Page 72 of Meet Me at Christmas
Stella sat back in Pop’s desk chair and took in the news. She’d done it. The most challenging article she’d ever written, the one she’d doubted would even come together, had just won her the President’s Award. She could leave everything behind, get on a plane for New York and then Hamburg, and never have to deal with any of her issues—
Except… she thought about Henry. He’d come so far in the short time she’d been there, and a part of her still felt like she owed it to him to help him regain a sense of himself. Despite what he said about not wanting to know what had happened to them, she knew she had to tell him whether he wanted to hear it or not. She needed to be completely honest no matter what.
Stella rolled her head to stretch her neck.
Pop, I need you. I need you to help me know how to handle this. At this point, you probably know everything about what happened, and I’m sorry for not telling you. But now I need you to show me how to deal with it because it’s ripping me apart.
“Hey,” Mama said as she came up behind her and stopped a few feet away from Pop’s desk. “I’m taking Herbert to the movies and then to dinner. Wanna go?”
“Herbert? Mr. Ferguson?”
Mama smiled. “Yes. He texted me.”
Stella turned around to face her mother. “You and Mr. Ferguson are texting each other?”
“We are. It’s nice to have him around.”
“He reminds me of Pop sometimes. Just a little older.”
Mama nodded. “Me too.” She peered down at Pop’s desk and took a tentative step closer, then touched the surface delicately. It was a clear step forward, and Stella was delighted to see her mom embracing Pop’s memory. “So would you like to go?” Mama asked.
“I think I’ll stay back, if that’s okay.” She wouldn’t be able to concentrate on a movie in her current state.
“Suit yourself. I’ll be home in a couple hours.”
After Mama left, Stella put a frozen pizza in the oven, threw a few more logs on the fire, and settled in on the sofa by the light of the Christmas tree. Full of tension, she didn’t sit long before she was back up, pacing in time with her thoughts. She went to the safe and took out the Christmas Diamond, hoping its sparkle would lighten her mood.
Even though the necklace had a tumultuous history, somehow, this holiday, she’d been entrusted with its care. In a way, the diamond’s owner had gotten lucky. The necklace hadn’t been swept up with the trash or thrown into someone’s bag never to be seen again. It had been cleaned, shined, made new once more, and it was protected. She placed it back in the safe, feeling a little better.
When the pizza was ready, she took it out and cut herself a slice, then sat at the empty table. She eyed the bowl of candy canes. The stillness of the house drove home Pop’s absence, and Stella could truly understand the isolation her mother must have felt. She got up to find her phone to text Lily. The message went through as far as she could tell, but there was no indication that it was being read. Was Lily even thinking about Pop or what her family was doing?
She finished her slice of pizza, then wrapped up the rest. She couldn’t do anything about Lily right then, but she could do something about Henry. She shouldn’t have run off on him like that. Again. But the rocking chair had caught her completely off guard and her emotions in the barn had gotten the better of her. Now she was more composed, she needed to see him. She grabbed her keys and coat and left the house.
The whole way there, she tried to determine what she wanted. A part of her wondered if she and Henry could be happy, just the two of them. How would he feel about adoption, later down the road? Maybe she could go to therapy herself and deal with her reality of not being able to have biological children. Was she ready for the emotional toll that would take on her? And then there was the big promotion she’d been trying to get for so long at work. How would she navigate that? She certainly wouldn’t be fulfilled without the movement of work, but her job required her to travel, and she’d be away from Henry. She also knew Henry hadn’t figured himself out either. Would they spend their days on opposite sides of the world? Could their relationship survive that?
She pulled up to the cabin to find Henry coming out his door with a panic-stricken look on his face. He locked eyes with her as she got out of her car.
“I was coming to see you,” he said, his eyes wide and full of… something. He turned around and jogged the few steps to the front door, opened it and stood inside the doorway, waiting for her to come in.
Stella entered and followed him into the living room. Henry shut the door, sealing them into the little space.
“You crushed me today,” he said before turning around to face her. “I came home feeling more lost than I have in a long time.”
He stared into her eyes with a kind of knowing that froze her in place. She braced herself for whatever he had to say.
“I went into our bedroom and fell on the bed in desperation at the thought of not being with you. And then the pain started to feel very familiar.”
Stella held her breath.
“I remembered the desperation. I remembered… Everything.”
She opened her mouth to say something, but nothing would come out. This wasn’t how she’d wanted to explain herself. Tears spilled down her cheeks. “There’s so much to tell you,” she finally managed. Then she slumped on the sofa in utter mental exhaustion.
“Why don’t we start with the day you left.” He sat on the sofa, but kept plenty of space between them, as if the distance would protect him from the hurt she’d caused.
Stella tried to relax her tense muscles.
“We’re not eighteen anymore, Stella. I’ve grown and changed since the last time we talked about this, and, this time, you won’t get off so easily. I want answers. I know you still care about me, so why on earth did you leave?”
