Page 81 of Eat Your Heart Out
48
Elon
Orlando was hot. It was a sticky heat mixed with children’s excitement over visiting parks. The overtired parents were like drill sergeants at the airport, the hotel, and the park itself.
I couldn’t find Clarissa anywhere. So I called in a favor with one of Pedar’s business associates, and in the late afternoon, I had her home address from her personnel file. I let the limo driver take me, as I was too tense to drive.
Six years ago, I’d been a sophomore in college. Clarissa had been a freshman. For a month, we’d secretly dated, and I’d never let myself relax near her. I’d imagined I’d ruined my life, and my desire to make Pedar and Maman proud of me was so screwed up. I’d destroyed the best thing I’d ever had.
At the apartment complex, I went to the second landing and knocked. No one answered. She had every right to punch me in the face for what I’d said when we broke up. Honestly, I’d been an asshole. The words had haunted me more as I got older. The more patients I saw pregnant and going through pain, the more I thought of her. Until I’d told her we were a bad idea, she’d been the only woman in my life that mattered. Only later had I realized the only person to blame for my loneliness was me.
Unlike me, Clarissa had been smart, funny, and deserved far more than I’d offered then. When I started the mission to find her to apologize, I’d hoped she would be happily married, living out the dream she’d always wanted.
Her run-down apartment, built probably sixty years before, made me pause. I’d found out she worked on her feet every day, and my tension burned at the knowledge.
When she didn’t answer the door, a neighbor, a woman our age with dark circles under her eyes, yawned as she stepped outside.
“Do you know where Clarissa Brown is?” I asked.
She shrugged then gave me a side-eye. “She’s not here anymore.”
I kept my distance to not upset her. “What do you mean she’s not here?”
She tilted her head. “Clarissa quit her job and moved out of her apartment yesterday.”
Adrenaline rushed through me. I had no idea if she had been tipped off about me, but moving out seemed extreme. I narrowed my gaze. “You’re sure?”
She yawned again. “You can ask the front desk manager.”
I went back to the first floor and approached a woman sitting at the computer by the front desk. “I’m here looking for Clarissa Brown in apartment 203.”
She stood and gazed at the cut of my shirt and pants. “She left without taking her belongings. Is there anything I can do for you?”
My ears buzzed. She’d run from me. My gut twisted. “What?” I asked as I realized she’d said something else.
She sighed. “Clarissa said she’d been found and needed to disappear, but she didn’t mention she’d found herself a Christian Grey.”
My blood ran cold. I’d not read the book, but I ignored her comment. “If I pay to move her things, can I go inside her apartment?”
She tilted her head and sat back in her seat. “How do I know you’re on the level?”
I took out my credit card. “I’ll pay the next month’s rent right now if you need.”
A man from a side office called out to her, “Swipe his card and give him the key.”
She nodded and typed on her computer. “Here you go, sir.”
I took the key, and as I walked, every step echoed in my ears.
I’d finished college, medical school, residency, and started my own firm that was going nationwide. And instead of enjoying my life, I’d been so afraid to lose everything, which was all just in my head. Pedar and Maman were amazing.
I unlocked Clarissa’s door and saw the cheap furniture. I’d thought she would be better off without me. Standing there, I felt like a stalker. I pivoted to leave but saw a photo on the floor of the kitchen. Clarissa, fully grown and recognizable with her red hair, clapped as a young boy stood at a birthday cake. I inched closer and picked it up off the floor. “Who’s this boy?” My heart whispered the truth.
She’d never told me. I’d been so stupid that day. It was undeniable. I’d impregnated her and broken her heart. My soul shattered into a thousand pieces. Twenty-year-old me would have handled that grown-up situation all wrong. Now I knew I was the reason she’d left college. And I’d left her to raise a child on her own.
I didn’t deserve any of the blessings that I possessed. I grabbed my phone to talk to one of my brothers. Jeff was a lawyer, so hopefully, he would give me options.
On the second ring, he answered, and after hellos, he asked, “Did you talk to Gerard and Ali?”
