Page 69 of Eat Your Heart Out
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Ali
Something inside me shifted. Maybe I could be myself, as requested, and find common ground with Gerard. I wanted to. He was everything I could ever want in a guy and more.
I needed to focus on him and accept whatever happened to us. When we got back to Virgin Cove, I would end up with a broken heart, but I refused to dwell on it. We walked out of the castle, and instead of a limo, my request was granted.
I bounced on my toes. “It’s picking us up here?”
He nodded and placed his hand on my back to guide me onto the helicopter. “Why wait to go back to the boat?”
We got inside, and I buckled my seat belt. The roar of the propellors dampened conversation, but as I sat across from Gerard, I imagined we would always be together.
I blinked away tears as I remembered lying in garbage and the smell of rot. I’d thought for sure that I’d gotten what I deserved. I wanted to go back in time and hug that old version of me. I wasn’t sure I was healed from that or if I would ever be. Tension rushed through me. I reminded myself to enjoy the day and the time we had.
As we lifted off, I took his hand. I told myself to focus on him. I sucked in my breath, and when we were level, the noise lowered.
I called out, “This is my first time in a helicopter, though honestly, I’ve wondered about flying in this since you mentioned you had one!”
He squeezed my palm. “You should have told me earlier.”
He had no idea how much I’d changed in our weeks together. Looking back, it was like I remembered being someone else. “I didn’t want you to waste fuel or anything while we were in the middle of the ocean.”
“Really?”
I lifted one shoulder and let it fall. “Well, that and when we first came on board, I didn’t feel… like I belonged.”
“And now?”
I reached for my necklace. Holding the stone pendant somehow gave me power. “You said you liked when I spoke up.”
“Absolutely.” He sat back. “Next to the pilot is our tour guide to tell us what’s below.”
“Can they hear us?”
“Only when we press that button.”
“Good.”
The smile on his face seemed so genuine. The magnetic tug of my heart toward him magnified when I gazed at him.
I lowered my lashes so I might speak. “ I’m trying to accept you… us… all this.”
He kissed my hands. “I keep hoping you’ll forgive yourself.”
He had no idea how insightful he was. It was time to let go and let in our new, amazing life for however long we lasted.
I shook as I said, “I’m breaking old habits. Knowing how manipulated I was terrifies me. That I avoided hard moments to the point where I’m completely broken, on top of finding out it was all a lie… infuriates me and makes me sadder…” I closed my eyes to breathe.
He said, “I never meant—”
“You didn’t do anything,” I interrupted and opened my eyes as I let the necklace go. “I was going to finish with, ‘But it also makes me feel like it’s okay to miss my mom,’ but I thought that would make this moment… too sad.”
“You can remember your mom. Never stop yourself because of me.”
No, it was because I was in the middle of becoming someone new. I brushed his shoulder with mine. “Hold me, okay?”
He put his arms around me and rocked. “For however long you let me.”
