Page 56 of Eat Your Heart Out
31
Ali
Two weeks later
Coffee in the mornings before Gerard woke was my quiet time. I found a spot near the bow, which I had learned was the name for the front of the ship, where I could watch the ship bounce or plow through waves. The dawn was so bright, and the dark-blue ocean became brighter as the sun rose. That morning, I heard birds chirping.
I’d almost forgotten the sound. I finished my coffee, and as I lowered it from my lips, my eyes widened. Islands. Zheng came over to collect the cup.
“Are those the Azores?” I asked him.
He nodded. “We’ll dock in an hour, ma’am.”
No one on the ship treated me like I was staff. I half wished I’d been clearer at the beginning and kept my distance from Gerard. Everyone pretended I was a lady. I’d stopped fighting that, but the deference brought out more loneliness. I needed to get my life together, and I wasn’t sure Gerard and I should go on as we were, with everything up in the air. Gerard was amazing, but it was impossible for him to fix me. I would break his heart if I stayed.
“Thanks, Zheng.”
He left, and I was alone.
My mind replayed the moment in Gerard’s bedroom almost two weeks ago when he said he loved me. He hadn’t taken it back.
My skin was alert like he was near me. I hugged my waist and took one more whiff of the salty ocean air.
Then Gerard’s voice came from behind me. “Ali, I need to show you something.”
I pivoted and saw he had printed papers in his hand. I walked over to him, and the wind was at my back. He directed me to go inside. As I walked, I wondered if he loved me because he’d rescued me or if he loved me for who I was. The question blared louder in my mind until he closed the door behind him.
I gazed at the papers he clutched. “Okay, what’s going on?”
He directed me to a small table with two chairs. “This is the police report.”
I tensed. I had no way to change the past, so I pivoted away. “I don’t want to read that.”
He spoke over my shoulder. “You should. Your car’s brakes were tampered with.”
I twirled fast, and my heart beat wildly. “What?”
He slid the papers to me across the table. “Police suspected foul play.”
I took them. “Let me see that.”
He reached over and directed me to the bottom of the form. “Right here.”
I swallowed then read the words out loud. “Brakes were cut. Suspect John Hamil.”
My heart beat wildly. My mother had been the only person who ever loved me. John had been possessive. I processed then asked, “I… does that mean he… he killed my mom?”
My skin prickled, and I closed my eyes. Seeing John’s name was shocking, and the letters burned through my lids as the truth blared at me. I jumped out of my seat and paced. “I… believed him. Oh god.”
“You’re going to be okay,” Gerard said.
I didn’t need to drag him further into my disaster. I shook my head. “I… need a few minutes by myself, okay, Gerard?”
“Of course.” He stepped out of the room.
My stomach twisted. I’d been the reason, but John, who threw me in the trash can like I was garbage—he’d killed the most brilliant person I’d ever known. I’d lived with a murderer who made me believe it had been me. Gerard deserved better.
