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My gut twisted. There was something I didn’t know, like when patients don’t admit what caused them to have heart issues.

My phone rang, so she waved me out and I took It outside where the staff cleaned for lunch. I walked to the stand in bow of the ship and answered my brother. “Warren, did you tell Maman and Pedar?”

“No, but I heard from Ashley.”

I hadn’t heard him mention her name in a long, long time. I glanced back at the wake the yacht created while rubbing the back of my neck. “You broke up with her two years ago. Is there something going on there?”

Warren’s voice sounded tighter. “No. I’m glad we’re not… I found the apartment building my birth parents had me in and inquired into availability. Will you be back for my birthday party?”

“Your surprise party you mean?” I asked, though it seemed the party wasn’t the issue today.

He chuckled. “Since when can Maman keep a secret?”

Good. Now he was sounding like himself. Warren was always so moral when something bothered him. So I lowered my voice and asked the big question. “What did Ashley say that triggered you?”

“That I was never happy when I was around her, which was true. I wasn’t emotionally available, and I probably hurt her more than she admitted.”

And she called him to tell him this? I rocked on my feet, unsure what to believe as I said, “Yeah?”

“I never meant to hurt anyone. I should never have started a relationship when I wasn’t available. Even saying the word relationship guts me because I thought we were just friends with benefits. It’s all we ever said, but I guess she wanted more.”

Sarah had only offered physical.

Fuck.

My gut twisted. I’m not sure I could handle it if she left without a word now. I swallowed and only said, “That’s hard.”

“I apologized and sent her the new car she needed. Hearing the pain in her voice years after we ended things shocked me.”

Things never made up for what people cling to in their souls. So many patients had unrealistic expectations that led to disappointment that ate at their heart muscle. My skin prickled as I asked, “You told her you were friends with benefits only?”

“Many times. So have you told Sarah you want her for more than a passing, good time yet?”

“No.” She was the one mentioned it should be physical only. I gazed at the bright sun and blue waters, but today the sight didn’t relax me at all as I said, “We’re… complicated.”

“Well, if you are serious about her, then be clear. It’s not good to toy with anyone’s emotions.”

Except I wasn’t sure she was ready. My heart raced. I wanted this to be permanent, but she had something else on her mind. I decided not to push her. To Warren, I said, “True, but you need to give people space to make their own decisions, willingly.”

“Fair enough,” he said.

She didn’t trust me, and I wasn’t sure she’d ever love me. But I wasn’t ready to think about that yet.

One step at a time.

Joshua’s cries popped up on my phone, and I said, “Gotta go. Joshua is up.”

“Good luck, man, and see you soon,” Warren said as he ended the call.

I hung up and rushed in.

I wasn’t ever going to let my son suffer.

24

Sarah

I cradled Joshua in my arms while Cyrus reached onto the ship and lifted us both up slightly instead of me having to jump.