Page 15 of Handsome
Cyrus sat down in the chair next to me as he said, “That’s not enough. We’ll start you at one hundred thousand.”
My vision blurred for a second, and my body buzzed as I sat up straighter. I glanced over, and he seemed to be enjoying the sun. My heart raced as I said, “That’s way too much.”
“I expect your utmost attention,” he said and didn’t even blink.
The little boy in my arms was why I was here. Cyrus was a fantasy, and I needed to figure out how to handle my one-sided attraction to him as I asked in the most professional manner I could muster, “And you need me for how long?”
He turned his face toward me, the curve of his mouth deepening. My skin had goose bumps that ached for his attention and my breathing slowed and deepened, like I’d store up air for kisses. Then I blinked when he said, “As long as we can handle it. Although eventually I’ll have to be a doctor again.”
I shook a little, hoping he didn’t notice I was blushing about my crazy wishes, but Joshua needed to be settled. I gazed at the baby and remembered how my brother’s life had been ruined. I would never let Joshua suffer that fate, so I said, “So it’s until you get married.”
He beckoned for me to get up and give him the baby, and since Joshua had finished his bottle, I gave him back.
Then Cyrus said, as he brushed against my arms, “I’m not dating anyone, if that’s your question.”
Every cell in my body ached for him, and I glanced up at him while I hugged myself, “No, that’s not it. I need to be clear about our boundaries and my position.”
“Position.”
I wasn’t sure why he repeated what I just said, but my hairs stood on end. I didn’t blink when I said, “Yes. I can handle being a nanny to Joshua.”
He beckoned for me to go with him to the water's edge. Holding Joshua close to his shoulder, he looked up and down at me and said, “I haven’t been clear with you, then.”
Goose bumps ran chills all over me as I asked, “What do you mean?”
He came closer, and my heart hammered as he said, “I want us to be a team for Joshua, and I feel a job will help you accept being in our lives.”
“It’s true,” I said quickly. I could barely breathe. I was here for the baby, nothing else.
We stood looking out at the horizon while waves crashed at our feet. Then he glanced down at me and said, “What’s also true is I’m attracted to you, and it’s your lips and sexy body that stir me.”
Whoa.My head felt light. Another wave went up to my ankles, but I said to him, “That shouldn’t matter.”
He didn’t even blink. “I always get what I want.”
If only we were possible. Navigating my life was like overcoming one disaster after another. I took a step into the water and gazed at the horizon. Then I said, “Well, I never allow myself to want anything. I’m not Leah, always setting myself up for disappointment.”
I took a deep breath. I hadn't meant to bring up my sister. I never wanted to copy anything she did. To be honest, until Cyrus and Joshua, I’d never allowed myself to wish and dream for anyone or anything. The longing I experienced now was unexpected, and sent shockwaves through me, stealing my ability to hide.
Cyrus reached out to take my hand and said, “Your sister found me at a bar when she came out of a conference. And yes, she came to my room, and I’m sorry she died.”
Thinking about Cyrus had helped me avoid stressing about how alone I now was. I took his offered hand and welcomed the spark when it sizzled through me. My cheeks felt hot as I said, very firmly, “She wasn’t interested in you beyond your wallet. We didn’t have the best childhood.”
We walked in the surf, and I swallowed back the discomfort because I just told him more of my truth than anyone, ever.
Cyrus said, “My brother Elon thought Leah was brilliant when he hired her. And he told me she was shutting me out.”
He knew very little about her. My sister was the smart and pretty one, but she never cared who she destroyed as long as she got what she wanted.
And none of us were taught right from wrong by any sort of example.
My life as a waitress had been lonely until she came back in my life, but, unlike her, I’d refused to ever manipulate people the way our mother had done. I always told myself simplicity was its own reward, but maybe I’d lied to myself to avoid living.
My stomach twisted. It wasn’t right to think this way. Leah took me in as her family, and that was enough… until now.
I had to swallow before I could say, “She was. She had a timeline. In a few weeks she’d have let you hold Joshua, but just for a few minutes, because she knew you're family-oriented.”
He squeezed my hand and then used his shoulder to turn us back to the built path while he said, “We should get to the pier to wave my parents off, and then come back for lunch.”
