Page 21 of Rocking Player
His hands traced my sides and held me like he needed me when he said, “No, but I’d like for us to pick up where we started.”
Started? In bed and naked, in every corner of that room of his and mine. We'd worn clothes as an accessory to eat out before heading back. That vacation was burned in my mind as my lust-filled dream every night for years now, but I let out a sigh and said, “I…I’m different now.”
Mom’s don’t get to live like that. Responsibility filled my days of working, making lunches to pay for school, cooking dinner, cleaning the house, but he said, “Jeremy’s at school and you can take off the mom outfit.”
I glanced down at my cardigan and pants and then back at him as I asked, “The what?”
He unbuttoned my sweater as he said, “The PTA, loving mom outfit you wore. We’re home, alone.”
Alone sounded tempting. And, I’d be in his arms. A huge part of my heart wanted exactly that, but I held still as I said, “You promised to practice catching with my son. Our son.”
He tugged my sweater to bring me closer to him. “And we will, after school.”
My legs were already jelly, and my breaths were getting shorter. “And what happens when your team leaves? I can’t just hope and wait for when your team returns here.”
His hands traced my sides and goosebumps grew everywhere. My body remembered his touch, but his words were every reason I shouldn’t just strip my clothes off in the kitchen and relive the past when he said, “Unless we both make the playoffs that won’t happen and, even then, it’s no guarantee as we’re not the same division.”
My son deserved better. I should want better than to be a stop on the road, but I wasn’t sure how Michael fit in my life. He’d said he’d be everywhere and we would live here. He wasn’t offering more than moment-to-moment when we fit in his schedule. I’d not be peaceful that way. I reached for his hands and tugged for him to release me when I said, “Then, we shouldn’t.”
He let go but was still so close that my heart beat in tune with his as he said, “You and Jeremy could be in Tulsa for some of the season.”
Flights weren’t easy and our lives were built here. I lowered my lashes and hoped I’d sound calmer. “He has school.”
He swallowed and his Adam’s apple caught my attention as I remembered how he'd ravaged my body once as he said, “It’s late September. This craziness in my life ends, at most, mid-November. Then, we have some time.”
I traced the collar of my shirt and asked, “Some time for what?”
He leaned closer and our eyes were in each other’s faces as he made my huge kitchen into such a small space as he said, “For you to realize marrying me solves our issues.”
Marriage? My ears burned. Sure, I’d had late-night fantasies where Michael found me and Jeremy and we were a family. But he practically shoved peace out the window when I was near him. If we did marry, then I was more than a stopover in his life.
But I wasn’t ready to live only for a man and never state my opinion.
I wasn’t my mother. I froze as I said, “Wait. What?”
He widened his stance, stepped back and crossed his arms. The huge white kitchen of mine somehow grew back to its normal size as he said, “I can ask for more money in my contracts if there's a stable home life.”
“How?”
“My lack of family and the rumors have caused corporate heads to believe I’m volatile. Marriage proves I’m more trusted for the team.”
“I see.”
“You want health insurance. And Jeremy gets my parents in his life. But it will mean you’ll probably have to move from here.”
Just pick up my life and follow a ballplayer? This was a leap of faith, but he was my son’s father and the only man I wanted. I turned toward the sink as I said, “I can’t do this.”
He placed his hand on my shoulder and pulses rushed through me as he asked, “Why not?”
I flipped around and his arms caught me as I ignored how my heart now raced. “Because I told you. I refused to get old and die from a broken heart and hurt Jeremy.”
His gaze narrowed but he didn’t touch me. It was good because I was a total disaster and tears threatened to come. “Then don’t. I don’t want that.”
“What?”
His words stilled me.
Then he touched my sides again like he wanted to reassure me, but my nipples grew hard as he said, “We have good sex and our lives blend. All you have to do is bend, not that I know the end location of where we’ll live yet. And I don’t want anything to happen to you if something happens to me. Besides, you have to watch Jeremy.”
