Page 49 of Ruthless Financier
Her eyes widened like I’d insulted her. “I … Look, love is just a pretense people use, when it’s all really just a bundle of lust filling the brain.”
There it was. At least she’d not mentioned PR or her own ambitions. Ice ran through my veins as I remembered how intoxicating she’d been. “I knew the moment I saw you that you were a mix of good girl and bad, yet you’ve never let me see the actual black bra you were wearing that day.”
Her brow wrinkled. “Huh? You want to see that?”
The bra thing was my way of knowing there was more to her than met the eye. But I hadn’t known I’d fall in love with her. I hadn’t explained myself well. I took a deep breath and strode toward the backyard glass doors as I said, “I’m not making sense right now.”
She followed me and pressed against my forearm. “Look, when the paperwork gets here, you, Frank and Russ will handle your father. I’ll handle how it looks to the world, if you need me to. That was the deal. Your businesses might be my clients.”
Right. No more feelings. This was all business. I opened the door. The heat of the day still lingered in the night air. My hair stood on its ends, but I asked her calmly, “What if I want something different from you?”
One of her shoulders bumped into me like she wanted me. She said, “Tell me what it is, then, and we’ll talk about that.”
I’d not ask her to lie to me. She wasn’t in love. She didn’t care. I walked to the edge of my backyard and stared at the empty beach outside the gate as I said, “I can’t ask, when I know you’re right.”
I don’t deserve to be in love anyhow. I’d never be enough to save her or anyone.
She crossed her arms. “Want to tell me what’s going on then?”
I’d never had anyone in my life to open up to, but with Indigo, suddenly I was different and let my guard down. I took my shoes and socks off to walk on the sandy beach as I said, “Just analyzing the impossible while I wonder what happens next.”
She tilted her head and fidgeted with the hem of her dress as she said, “What happens next is that you take control, and you get to move on with the life you want.”
Without her in it, of course. I took my tie and jacket off and left them on the white metal patio table near me, so I was just in my shirt and pants.
“What do you do in five years when you and I are done?” I asked.
She let her dress go as she said, “I’ll be busy working, I guess. I’ll throw myself into those projects.”
The warm night air captured my attention as she asked, “And you? What do you do when I’m not here to warm your bed?”
Wish I wasn’t a complete asshole who wanted more, when I didn’t deserve it.
She let her arms curl around her belly and shook her head as she said, “You’re being quiet tonight, Jacob. You should be dancing on air.”
“I’m not a dancer.” Indigo had no idea of the turmoil my heart was in. I let my shoulders slump. “And I don’t trust winning.”
She stood like a soldier as she said, “Well, in time you’ll have to be satisfied. I think you probably need to relax and trust in yourself.”
I patted her shoulder and sidestepped her to go to the beach. “I’ve never been that easy.”
She followed me and said, “You deserve to have everything you ever wanted, Jacob. You’re a great guy.”
I opened the gate and said, “A great guy who should let you go.”
She held the gate but didn’t follow as she called out behind me. “What? You want to end our … our marriage, now? Because you’ve already won, or because you don’t trust me?”
I turned around. I’d never seen anyone so beautiful. The ocean breezes made her dress and hair billow in the wind and her eyes were deep blue now as I said, “I was starting to, but I need to protect myself.”
She pointed back to the house and said, “I think it’s time to calm down. Let’s go to bed now, and think about the rest when we read the paperwork and know what’s going on, instead of projecting possibilities and fears. I swear I will honor the contract and not take or ask for anything else.”
“Maybe.” I stepped away from her and onto the sand. “You go in. I need fresh air and a walk.”
She wiped her eye but let the gate fall shut behind her.
And I headed south, like that might help me escape this.
I knew better than to let my shield down, but she’d made it into my heart.
