Page 56 of Secret Admirer
Bart was right to want to go slow.
So now that Bart had showed back up, she needed to squelch the impulse to throw herself in his arms and forgive everything.
Not now. He didn’t love her and that was like a weight that made her feel heavy, ugly and awful.
In the light of day, with Bart staring warmly at her, she realized her fears had been nonsense.
She might not be from his world, but she had spirit and grace and beauty. She was different, but that was okay. She’d never compare herself again.
He opened the bookstore door for her and they left the sunshine--she sighed and pointed to the stairs. “Academic books are on the third floor.”
He placed his hand on her lower back, just for a moment, and every cell in her body bloomed as if she’d starved them. He pointed toward a coffee shop inside. “Do you want to get a coffee and find a corner to sit?”
Her body jumped to just agree to anything, but he didn’t love her. She knew the truth, so she lowered her head to avoid his gaze and took a deep breath. It was better to focus on why she was here so she said, “No. I don't. I wasn’t expecting to see you again, though, so I’ll bend.”
He clasped her free hand. “That’s a yes?”
If she didn’t hear him out, she’d never know why he'd come. It was no coincidence that he was at her campus and her heart wanted to know why. Rebecca agreed. “Yes, get me a coffee. I’ll find seats over there.”
He gave her a thumbs-up. “Be right back.”
He was acting differently--but what did that mean? She found seats by the window.
They’d be alone here, or at least they had a sense of privacy. She checked her schedule as she waited. She’d picked five classes which already sounded like a lot, but this was her chance to finally start.
A few minutes ago, she'd welcomed the idea of having an extra class to finish her degree early, but now her pulse raced with indecision.
If Bart wanted her back, she wasn’t sure she had the strength to leave again.
That sounded weak, but her entire body agreed with her soul. She loved him. If he loved her back, then that mattered more than anything else--even her degree. She didn't want to choose.
He joined her and handed her the cup. “I ordered you a mocha. I wasn’t sure what you’d like and I can return to get whatever one you do want.”
More chocolate than she usually had, but at least he didn’t complain about the paper cup as he sat with his own drink. She sipped it and it wasn’t bad. Rebecca put her drink down. “Okay, thanks. Now, why are you here? What do you want?”
“I want to apologize.” He scooted closer though the table was small enough between them that their knees touched.
Hmm. Her mind buzzed so she took another sip of her coffee. He didn’t love her. She was a fool, again. “You did that already. Twice actually.”
Bart brushed his hand against her wrist. “But I didn’t want to admit to feelings. I understand now that losing you wasn’t about being lonely--I was a total jerk… I was letting my father influence me in all the wrong ways.”
Her heart beat faster. Maybe? Her skin electrified and she masked the jolt by picking up her drink again. “You were.”
She sipped but the chocolate and caffeine only amplified the spark inside.
He lowered his voice. “I lost my opportunity to tell you that I love you then and there.”
Silence enveloped her. She couldn’t move, half afraid she’d break apart and then wake up alone somewhere, and this was all a dream. His handsome brown hues searched hers and that spark inside returned fast. She put her cup down. “Wait, what?”
“I love you.” He reached out to lace their fingers together.
Tears formed in her eyes. Drat. This wasn’t supposed to happen. She was done crying, but she didn’t wipe them away. “Are you just saying that to get me back?”
He sat straighter and placed his palm on his chest like he made a vow when he said, “No. It took you leaving for me to realize what joy you brought into my life when you appeared out of the blue. And how stupid I was for setting you up because I didn’t want to see how far I’d fallen, so fast.”
Her mind had a million questions that all hit her at once. She had so much to say, but nothing took precedence--she breathed in to stop the impulse to throw her arms around him and kiss him.
What happened before could never happen again. She let out another sigh but this was just to get her words together. “I can’t be a side show for when you get home. I want to go to school and participate in class. If this means we have to live apart for a while as I focus on my studies, I have to do it. I don’t want to take classes online. I don’t learn that way.”
