Page 56 of Just Heartbeats
Chapter 34
Roma sat curled into the corner of the old leather sofa in the main room of the clubhouse, one leg tucked beneath her, the other bouncing in nervous energy. A football game played out on the flat screen, but she had no interest in watching.
A dozen Royalla members lounged around, their attention on the teams. Rocco and Vein smoked from a bowl they passed back and forth. Behind her, the clink and clang of pots and pans in the kitchen broke through the commentators' rambling about plays and defense.
Kodiak hadn't checked in with her in over three hours.
Her dry mouth nearly made swallowing impossible. Her anxiety was through the roof. The waiting only made her more antsy. She unfolded from the couch and headed into the kitchen. As she stepped in, Baker glanced over his shoulder.
If Baker wasn't attending club business, riding, or working in the garage, he spent his free time in the kitchen. It was where he was happiest, and it's probably where he got his road name.
He held up a half-loaf of bread. "You want garlic or plain bread with your lasagna?"
"Garlic. Always," she replied automatically.
He grunted with approval and went back to slicing. The savory smell of Italian seasoning, tomato, and cheese filled the kitchen, comforting her.
"You're doing okay." Baker's attention was on the task in front of him. "You might think your world is falling apart, and to you, it probably is, but I can tell you from experience that no matter how bad things seem, it will get easier."
"What if it doesn't?" she asked.
Her biggest fear was that she and Kodiak wouldn't make it through to see the other side. For him, the club was everything.To have one of his men betray him had put him in a different place. He second-guessed himself. He also became paranoid. If it could happen to Nate, he believed it could happen to any of the members.
Of course, he never confessed to those thoughts, but she could read his mood. He was troubled. The longer it took to catch Nate, the harder it became for him to push away the negative thoughts.
She had all the time in the world, sitting in the clubhouse waiting. Her imagination went wild. What if Kodiak stopped trusting the members? What if he stopped trusting her?
What if he took this time to reevaluate his life and decided he wanted someone older and wiser who wouldn't run outside and get herself kidnapped?
Baker set the slices of bread on a cookie sheet. "It will all be okay."
She frowned at his back. For how much she loved Baker and respected the older man, she couldn't imagine what kind of experience he was talking about. For as long as she'd known him, he had never had an old lady or even a girlfriend. How could he understand what she was going through?
"Have I ever told you I'm married?" he said casually, as if reading her mind.
Roma blinked. "No. Never."
"Happened back when I got out of prison the first time. She was nineteen. Pretty young thing. Smart mouth. Got herself knocked up, and I was trying to keep my nose clean with my probation officer." He slid the bread into the oven beside the lasagna without looking at her. "So I married her. Figured she deserved a name and some money in her mailbox every month. It's been...hell, twenty years? I still send her money, but I haven't seen her since I took her to the courthouse and said, I do."
Roma leaned forward slowly. "You have a kid?"
Baker shrugged. "Far as I know. I don't know if it's a boy or a girl. Never asked. Never went looking."
"But if you send your wife money, you know where she lives, right?"
"Nope." He shrugged. "Her sister gave me a post office box where I can send the money. That's all I have. I know she picks up the money."
Her throat tightened, not out of judgment, but because she imagined his pain was worse than anything she could go through, even losing her dad. Baker had a child he hadn't even met. On top of that, he'd married a woman and walked away from her. "Do you miss her or the life you could've had if you stayed with her?"
He reached for a dishtowel, wiped his hands slowly, then rested them flat on the counter. "Sometimes," he said finally. "But... I'd rather know they were safe. The life I had back then wasn't made for raising an innocent child. If my enemies knew they were mine... it could've gone bad real fast, and I never would've forgiven myself if something happened to them on account of me."
Roma's stomach fluttered. She knew exactly what he meant because she was in danger from the Deception Motorcycle Club due to her connection to her father, and now because she belonged to Kodiak. As long as she was part of the Royalla family, she would always need to be cautious. There would never be a time when she could walk out the door and go somewhere without others knowing where she was. She could never take a trip alone.
And maybe those points weren't as important to her. Maybe the people around her mattered more than the inconvenience of taking an extra step to stay safe.
"I'd still choose my life," she said softly. "Even knowing what it's cost me."
Baker stepped over and patted her shoulder. "Prez will do what needs to be done to keep you safe. Let him do his job."
