Page 68 of Accidental Mile High Daddy
“You’re panicking,” she said softly.
I nodded, but it felt stiff, like I wasn’t fully in control of my body. My stomach had been in a knot since waking up, and although I’d been able to get more sleep in the last week than I had in the first two months, my morning sickness hadn’t budged at all — and I wasn’t sure if the bile working its way up my throat was from that or how terrified I was that Matt wouldn’t show up.
Part of me wished I’d never invited him so I wouldn’t have to sit here and wonder.
“He said he’d come.” I wasn’t sure if I was trying to settle myself or her.
“And if he?—”
“I know.” I looked down at my hands, the way my left wrist had gone red from wringing it. “You’ll come with me.”
“Damn right I will,” she scoffed. “I’ll be, like, twenty feet from the door. If they call you back and he’s not there, call me.”
I nodded, trying to give her a smile, but it didn’t go far. We’d made the backup plan two days ago, rehearsed it this morning like it was a fire drill when she’d driven me over here. Jules hadn’t said anything outright to me about Matt, but the way she watched me when she thought I wasn’t looking made me assume she was bracing for him to disappoint me.
And so was I.
But it didn’t stop the quiet part of me from hoping he wouldn’t. He was good at that — making me believe there was a good side to him even in the worst moments. It wasn’t fair.
I flipped my phone over again, glancing at the time, then back to my coffee that I’d barely touched. It was probably cold by now.
“You know,” she said gently, leaning a little harder onto her elbows, “you don’t have to act like you don’t care what he does today.”
I didn’t look up. “I’m not.”
“You’re terrified.”
I shot her a glare.
“Si.”
I sighed and leaned back, trying to ignore the way my stomach only twisted more. “I just don’t want to get my hopes up.”
She gave me a soft, knowing smile. “How’s that going for you?”
“Shut up.”
Her nails tapped lightly on the table, her gaze locked with mine. “I know you,” she said. “You get this look when you’re lying to yourself. Kind of like a kicked puppy and a scrappy raccoon had a baby.”
I huffed out a weak chuckle. “I can’t tell if that’s a compliment?—”
“You love him.”
I blinked at her, caught entirely off guard. My gaze dropped to the half-eaten croissant on her plate and the condensation dripping down her cup, my throat closing in. I didn’t even realize how tightly I was holding my wrist until I felt the throbbing in my hand.
I hated that she wasn’t wrong.Hatedit.
I’d known it, somewhere inside, weeks ago. Knew there couldn’t have been another reason I was that broken up about what happened between us. But it didn’t make it any easier to admit out loud, let alone to myself in my bedroom.
“Yeah,” I whispered.
She nodded once. She wasn’t smug, wasn’tsurprised, just… nodded. Like she’d known it, too.
“I don’t… I don’t know if he’s capable of loving me back,” I said. My voice cracked halfway through. “I don’t know if he’s even capable of letting himself try.”
“That’s not your job to fix, Si.”
“No, but it’s going to be my job tocopewith it if he skips town.”
