Page 15 of Big Island Moonlight
“I should get back out to the party,” Tara said apologetically when she had finished her tea.
“Of course,” Juniper agreed.
“Maybe you could come up for dinner this weekend?”
She smiled, even though there was still an aching, anxious pain in her chest. “I’d like that.”
“Good.” Tara returned her smile with a grin that looked as strained as Jun’s felt.
“It’s a start,” Cody said quietly after his mom had gone.
Jun nodded and let out a sigh.
“Are you up for a walk?” His voice was soft and quiet. “There’s something I want to show you.”
“Sure.” Juniper wanted to get outside, but she was in no mood to dive into the crowd.
They went through the back of the house, through a screened-in lanai and down past the massive aviary that held Tara’s green macaws. Cody walked at her pace, reining in his long stride and meandering slowly across the rolling hills of Liam’s ranch.
“This is where I’ve been staying,” he said when they came into view of a row of white cabins. “This one on the end. There’s one ranch hand who lives in that one at the opposite end full time, and these other ones in the middle have a rotating mix of volunteers and people who think that a farmstay is a fun vacation.”
“It’s cute,” Juniper said. The tiny wooden house had a peaked roof and a pint-sized porch, and it was surrounded by green.
Cody opened the front door – she had a feeling that he never locked it – and led her inside. It was all one room. A minifridge stood in one corner next to a small counter that held a sink and an electric burner. The double bed in the corner was neatly made. After a moment, Juniper realized that there was no bathroom.
“Where do you…?”
“There’s a shared building out behind the cabins.” His tone was apologetic, and he ran a hand nervously across his head, taking off the yellow cap. His hazel eyes were earnest as he looked at her, clutching the hat in both hands. “I was thinking that we could put a cradle here, by the bed. I know it’s not much, but the ranch is beautiful. We could fit here for a while, don’t you think? The three of us?”
Juniper looked around with a start, seeing the place through new eyes. The place was fine for one person, or for a couple on vacation, but a baby?
She took a slow breath, trying to imagine it. People all over the world raised babies in far more cramped conditions than this and always had. Here at least they had running water, and the ranch was one of the most beautiful places she had ever seen.
“I know it’s not much,” Cody said timidly, “but it’s a start.”
“It’s a beautiful cabin.” Juniper stepped closer and put an arm around his waist, Instantly, she felt his muscles relax. He melted into her, and she leaned into him.
“Does that mean you’ll think about it?” he asked.
Juniper was quiet. The attic room she lived in now was getting harder and harder to reach, but the thought of leaving the security of Emma’s house made her heart ache.
When she tried to imagine the possibility, she realized that she didn’t feel safe on the ranch; she would basically be moving in with Tara. She couldn’t trust Cody’s mother to help her with the baby, and she was terrified of mothering without help.
If she moved into the cabin, Cody would be there every night to help her with their newborn… but the thought didn’t comfort her, not in the same way that her aunt’s presence did. Emma had done this before, and Jun’s dad was just a few blocks away.
Cody was still a kid. No matter how much he tried to step up and be the man he wanted to be – the man she believed he was capable of growing into – in that moment, he was still just an overburdened teenager.
What if they couldn’t handle life on their own? She was terrified that the demands of a newborn on top of work and school would break him – would breakthembefore they had even properly gotten started.
Juniper’s mother was a grown woman, and taking care of Teddy had broken her.
Tara had three babies of her own, and Jun wasn’t convinced that she wanted anything to do with this one.
The cabin felt too isolated, too uncertain.
But how could she say any of that to Cody? How could she tell him that she didn’t have faith in him, that she didn’t trust his mother, when he was looking at her with so much hope in his eyes?
“I’ll think about it,” she said.
