Page 88 of Big Island Sunset
I think I can, I think I can.
She could still hear her mom’s voice.
I think I can, I think I can.
They must have read that book together a hundred times when she was little.
It hadn’t been all bad, with her mom and her. There were so many good memories. Sunshine days in the redwoods, painting together, books and beach days and other lovely things.
But then the first overdose. The second, the third. Hospitals that reeked of disinfectant and rehab centers with an aching atmosphere of pain. The bad memories were like a creeping decay that infected the earlier, happier times.
Juniper flicked on the kitchen light, letting the glare of it drive away the dark thoughts.
She put all of her giant glass jars on the kitchen table and filled them one by one, straining out the teas that she had made the day before. They were dark as dye, concentrated shades of red and navy and royal purple that lightened as she added fresh water from the catchment tank outside, rainwater that had been caught by the roof and filtered on its way into the house. Red hibiscus, blue butterfly pea, golden mamaki. The homegrown colors soothed her soul.
She startled at a knock on the kitchen door – even though it was a quiet, gentle sound. She only knew one person who knocked like that, as if he were afraid that he might injure thedoor. Even so, her heart leapt when she opened the door and saw his face.
His amber eyes were bright and soft at the same time, and his smile warmed her heart. He had cropped his sandy hair short the week before, and the new haircut still startled her. It was brown now, with all of the sun-bleached golden hair gone, and it made him look older.
He was seventeen, same as her, but he could easily pass for twenty-something. They both could. They had both carried more than their share of grown-up worries already, though the legal adults in their lives seemed to forget that and fly into a frenzy of worry as soon as they learned about the baby.
Even her Aunt Toni. Juniper had thought that, out of everyone in their family, Toni knew her the best. She thought that her aunt respected her, trusted her. But even she had looked at Jun with worry and something very close to pity. She had tried to hide it, but she couldn’t really. Their whole relationship had changed. Juniper had disappointed her, and that in turn had disappointed Jun. When Toni flew home to California, Jun felt nothing but relief… which then brought its own sense of grief.
Cody stood quietly in the doorway, his eyes on her face. He was so tall that her forehead was level with his collarbones – but he had a habit of slouching, like he still wasn’t used to being head and shoulders taller than everyone around him.
Sometimes, when they were alone on the trail, he forgot to stoop. He stood straight and walked tall, and in those moments she thought that she could follow him anywhere.
She didn’t see as much of him as she would like. He was the hardest worker she knew, and she respected the heck out of that, but she missed him… and lately she had started to wonder if all of those extra hours of work weren’t just his way of avoiding her.
He was a good man, though some people still thought of him as a boy. She knew that he would show up for her and for theirbaby. But the less she saw of him, the more she began to worry if his providing for the baby had more to do with a sense of obligation than love.
He would love the baby, she felt sure of that. That was just the sort of person he was. But did he loveheranymore? Sometimes she wondered.
“You look tired,” he said softly.
“So do you.”
“I haven’t been sleeping much,” he admitted. “I stay up late catching up on schoolwork, and then I get up early to pick lychee.”
“Isn’t lychee season over yet?”
“Yeah, it’s pretty much done. We’re just cleaning up the last of it now, a few bunches left on each tree. Once that’s done, I’ll be able to come to morning markets with you again. I don’t like you setting up on your own.”
“It’s easy. I just pull the truck right up to my spot.” She finally had a driver’s license – one of the benefits of her dad moving to the island. There had been too much red tape to get one without him. What a relief it would be to finally turn eighteen.
“Still.” Cody cast a worried look at the teas on the table. “You shouldn’t be lifting anything that heavy.”
His worry made her smile. “I only have to move them a few feet.”
Her smile seemed to do something to him. The lines of worry between his eyebrows eased, and he bent to kiss her. Warmth and wellbeing rushed through her body as she melted into him, and she forgot everything else.
That was how they had gotten into this situation to begin with, of course. Songs and movies had tried to warn her about falling in love, but she had never really believed it – never fully understood. Those were fictional characters, or people more foolish than her.
She had never even had a crush on the boys she went to school with in Santa Cruz. She had scoffed at Romeo and Juliet.
Then she’d met Cody, and suddenly all of the love songs made sense. Just being near him made her happy. When she was with him, all of the dark memories lost their hold on her. It was intoxicating.
But being away from him hurt. Sometimes she wondered if love wasn’t as dangerous as the addictions that had taken her mother from her.
