Page 79 of Big Island Sunset
But she would never fully heal. There would always be a jagged canyon in her soul, an ache that would never really go away.
Maybe someday she would be healed enough for romance… but in that moment, it was an impossible thing to try and wrap her head around.
Eventually she dragged herself out of bed and went into the bathroom to wash up. Her eyes were still red from crying, and her face was swollen. She looked a decade older than she hadbefore her husband died. Her hair was a rat’s nest, and she wore one of Adam’s old t-shirts.
What did Keith even see in her?
Maybe he really did just want to be friends. She was deluded to think that he’d wanted anything more.
“I mean, look at yourself.” Emma turned away from the mirror in disgust.
It would be best for everyone if Keith just wanted to be friends. Or if he just quietly slipped out of her life entirely. It would be selfish of her to want anything more when she had nothing to give. She wasn’t the kind of person to string someone along when she had no interest in a relationship.
So why did the thought of him slipping silently out of her life make her feel all hollowed out?
Was it just pride? The lingering need to feel desirable, even if she had lost the capacity for desire?
Maybe. But the more she probed her heart and soul, the more she wondered if there was more to it than that. Shedidlike Keith. She did care about him. And if she were really honest with herself, there might be a glimmer of something more… but that fragile glint of light was so easily eclipsed by her grief.
It was just as well. She obviously had a lot of healing to do before she was fit to be anyone’s partner.
Sitting on the quilts that Adam’s little hands had helped to make so many years ago, she took the time to brush out her hair. It was a small act of self care, a reminder that she still lived in her body and needed to look after it as best she could.
She swapped out her pajama pants and oversized shirt for a sundress, because the day was getting warm — but also because of the way that Kai’s face lit up whenever she put the slightest bit of care into her appearance. He loved it when she brushed her auburn hair to a shine and put on a dress. Maybe he also needed the reassurance that she had both feet planted in this world.
Kai wasn’t in his room or downstairs, so she stepped outside to look for him.
What she saw there in the yard made her breath catch in her throat.
Keith lobbed a tennis ball gently up in the air, and Kai caught it with both hands. Then he threw the ball back to Keith. Dio raced back and forth between them, like a game of monkey in the middle.
Emma’s heart cracked open when she saw the smile on Kai’s face. So much joy over something so simple. Just a game of catch.
But Emma hadn’t played catch with him, not once in the year since his dad had died. That had been their thing, and it hadn’t occurred to her to offer. Kai hadn’t even asked. But watching him now, she could see how much he had missed it.
How many other things had she not even thought to offer him?
Kai would barely remember Adam; already his memories were fading. But if Emma allowed other people to step in, maybe her son could find healthy role models to fill the gap. He deserved to have good men in his life, even if they could never fully take the place of the man he had lost.
Maybe she did too.
She stood deep in the shade of the lanai, and it was a while before either of them spotted her.
When Keith saw her, he fumbled the tennis ball. Dio seized it in his jaws and raced off through the orchard with Kai in pursuit.
“Get back here, Diogie!” he shouted. “We’re using that!”
Emma moved to the railing, and Keith smiled up at her in a bashful sort of way.
“I hope you don’t mind me hanging around a while,” he said.
“How could I?” A quick glance around the yard showed her that he had finished cleaning up all of the fallen branches. “You did my work for me.”
“There’s always more work to be done.”
“I got the ball back!” Kai shouted, running up to the house. He gasped when he saw her. “Mama! You look so pretty.”
“Thank you,” Emma said. She looked towards Keith but didn’t meet his eyes. “He’s easily impressed.”
