Page 36 of Big Island Sunset
“It’s not the same thing, and you know that.”
“Why not?” he demanded.
“Because you’re having a baby, Cody!” Despite her best efforts, exasperation overtook her voice. “You made it my business when you created anotherperson.”
“You don’t have to worry about it,” he grumbled, portioning out the food with such force that it splattered across the countertop.
“How can I not?”
“Juniper and I will figure it out.”
“I don’t know what that means.”
“Neither do I!” he exclaimed, throwing the serving spoon across the kitchen. It landed in the sink with a clatter. “I haven’t had a whole lot of time to adjust, okay? Obviously we didn’t plan for this to happen. Wediduse protection. We’re not idiots. But it happened anyway, and I’m trying to figure it out. I have, what, seven months? I’ll figure it out.”
“Let me help you figure it out,” she pleaded.
“I don’twantmy mom to help me figure it out.” His voice was low and vehement, and he didn’t meet her eyes. “I want to step up.”
“You can do both,” she said, trying to soothe him. “You can take responsibilityandaccept help. It’s not one thing or the other.”
“People have babies every day. What’s the big deal?”
Tara put a hand over her eyes, hanging on to her patience by a thread.
“Juniper is capable.I’mcapable. People our age used to sail around the world and go to war.”
“This isn’t that.”
Now he did look at her, and her heart cracked when she saw the hurt and fear swimming in his amber-brown eyes. “You don’t think I can do this.”
“Cody, I know you can. But at what cost? You don’t realize how much you’re taking on.”
“Do you think I’m less capable than any other dad?”
“No, but–”
“I do more than Dad ever did, don’t I?”
“You shouldn’t have to.” Her voice broke, and she realized that she was nearly shouting. She took a breath and lowered her voice. “You never should have had to worry about me and the girls. I’ve been working to get this business to the point that I could hire someone and free you up to pursue whatyouwant to do. But now you’re diving into a family of your own before you’re even eighteen. It all feels wrong.”
“Mom, thisiswhat I want to do.” He was so earnest, so grown up and so young both at the same time. “What’s more important than family?”
She didn’t have an answer to that.
Cody sighed and turned away. “I’m going to start loading the car.”
As he ferried boxes of meals out to his old gray Honda, Tara finished portioning out the soup. She carried out the last box and slotted it into the back seat. The car was full to brimming.
“I know you mean well,” Cody said. “I’m not trying to shut you out. It’s just… I’m still adjusting to all of this too. I don’t have all the answers yet, so the questions stress me out. Jun’s been so sick since this happened that I’ve hardly seen her. Just… give us some space, okay?”
“Okay,” Tara relented.
Cody opened his arms, and she stepped in for a hug. Too soon, he stepped away. She opened the gate for him, and he left to make his deliveries.
She stood in the front yard for a minute, feeling drained. Weeds had overtaken her garden to the point that she had let the livestock in to eat it all. Geese and goats flocked around her like a noisy whirlpool, and in that moment she didn’t love the chaos of her life.
At some point, it had all started to feel like too much.
