Page 27 of Big Island Sunset
“I don’t even know what she wants. I’m a terrible father.”
Fern sighed and put a hand on his back. She reminded herself that this man was still grieving his wife of eighteen years, all while caring for an infant and trying his best to be there for his teenage daughter. When she met him, he was drowning. And now, just when he had started to feel like he was safely treading water, his daughter seemed to be headed down the same dark path that her mother had started down all those years ago.
“You’re not a terrible father,” she said after a while. “I see how you keep showing up for her. For both of them. You’re doing your best, and that’s what she’ll remember in the end.”
“She hates me,” he said, furtively wiping his eyes.
“She doesn’t.”
“She said that she did.”
“When?”
“When I said that she… didn’t have to keep it.”
Fern sighed. “Juniper doesn’t hate you. She was just feeling hurt. And protective. She probably loves that baby already.”
“It’s not a baby,” he scoffed. “It’s a bundle of cells.”
“Not anymore. Your grandbaby is berry-sized by now.”
“It’s not a baby,” he insisted. “It’s a fetus.”
Sudden tears burned her eyes. “I loved mine. Fiercely. From the very beginning. As much as I love Theo.”
He looked at her in surprise. “You…?”
She sat up and wiped her eyes. Her chest ached with grief. “My daughter would be five now. I lost her at twenty-two weeks.”
“Fern, I’m so sorry.”
She pressed on, needing to tell him. Needing to finish what he had started.
“My son would be about Theo’s age.” Her voice broke, and she swallowed before continuing. “He only made it to eighteen weeks, but I loved him. I loved both of them from the start.”
“I’m sorry,” he said again.
She nodded and took a breath, pressing her hands to her eyes to prevent more tears from falling. Ethan moved closer and put his arms around her. They sat like that for a long time without speaking, calming each other just with their presence.
“Do you think she would still hate me if I suggested an open adoption?” he said after a while.
“I think that you need to show up for her without trying to control her.”
“Ouch.”
“Anyway, would you really want someone else raising your grandbaby?”
“Honestly?” He sat back, considering. “Yeah. I think that would be for the best.”
“You might feel differently once you meet that baby.”
“What am I supposed to do, raise two babies? I’m too old for that.”
Ferned snorted with laughter. “You’re really not.”
“I am. Too young to be a granddad, too old to be raising a baby, but here I am. Theo will have a nephew who’s basically the same age as him.”
She smiled. “It will be nice for them to grow up together, don’t you think?”
