Page 13 of Big Island Sunset
If she was being fully honest with herself, she had to admit that it still felt a bit odd hearing Olivia call her Mom. She hadn’t been ready for that when the girls decided to make the switch, and she still hadn’t gotten used to it.
What was wrong with her that she couldn’t step into the role as easily as Tenn had?
Was she failing her stepdaughter? Did Olivia feel like she had given up half of her dad’s attention without actually gaining a mom?
Lani thought of the car accident that summer and shuddered. She had collapsed, quite literally fallen to the floor in shock. And then she had picked herself back up and rushed to the hospital. It was just how she would have reacted if Rory had been hurt… right?
She chewed her lip in thought as she walked, wondering where she was falling short.
Rory burst out onto the flat black plane of the lava-rock cliffs, throwing Lani out of her ruminance and back into the present moment.
“Not too close to the edge!” she shouted, running to catch up.
“I know!” Rory shouted back, belligerent.
Waves crashed thirty feet below, filling the air with salt spray and a fine white mist.
Rory crouched about ten feet from the edge, peering into a high-rise tide pool where crabs scuttled from side to side. There were even tiny fish that had been stranded by big waves at high tide. Lani watched them swim in circles, wondering if they would ever find their way back down.
It was a testament to Olivia’s easygoing personality and Tenn’s parenting skills that when they caught up a few minutes later, the seven year old was smiling and willing to take family photos. They all stood together watching the sunrise, and then they took a wide range of photos while the girls laughed and played.
Alohi liked capturing action shots, which was one reason that Lani had hired her: there would be no standing shoulder to shoulder with forced smiles. Instead, she took pictures of the family gathered together to watch the sunrise, Tenn and Lani walking hand in hand along the cliffs, and the girls playing tag and climbing trees.
Eventually, once the sun had climbed higher and Alohi’s baby started to fuss, they called it a day.
“I still have to edit the photos I took at a wedding last weekend, I should have these ready for you in a week or so.”
“There’s no rush,” Lani said. “Thank you.”
When they were finally alone, with Alohi gone down the path and the girls climbing trees in the ironwood forest with its plush carpeted floor of pine needles, Tenn and Lani sat in the shade and looked out at the water. Golden morning sunlight glinted on the glassy surface of the ocean, and the black rocks beneath them vibrated as waves crashed below.
“Do you think I’m a good enough stepmother?” she asked, eyes on the ocean.
Tenn looked at her in surprise. “What? Of course you are.”
“Do I treat her differently than I treat Rory?”
He thought about that for a minute. “Every kid is different. They’re two years apart. You cuddle Rory more, but she’s always looking for that and climbing into your lap. I don’t think that you treat Olivia any worse, if that’s what you mean.”
Lani chewed at her lip again, resolving to offer Olivia more hugs.
She didn’tmeanto show any favoritism; she and Rory just had so many old habits. They were two parts of a whole. The girl who had once lived beneath her ribcage felt more like a piece of Lani’s own body than a separate person, though she was asserting her independence more and more each day.
Maybe she needed to work on babying Rory less and loving on Olivia more.
“I feel like I’m doing something wrong,” she admitted, “but I can’t put my finger on it. I don’t know what she needs from me.”
“You’re not doing anything wrong.” Tenn moved his hand up and down her back, fingers working the muscles on either side of her spine. “There’s bound to be an adjustment period.”
“You make it look easy. Rory didn’t have any trouble adjusting.”
He chuckled. “She’s something else. They’re just different people, that’s all. Olivia’s always been quiet and shy. You should have seen her before she started at Pualena Playschool. She wouldn’t even talk to strangers, just hide behind me. Eventually, ‘Olena helped her to come out of her shell. She’s always been a sensitive kid.”
Lani sighed and leaned into him.
“She loves you,” he said softly. “And so do I.”
For some reason, that made her eyes burn with tears.
