Page 64 of Big Island Summer
“It is. I thought it would be a good place to raise a kid, but I should have chosen better. The drug culture there… well, it took a toll on our family. But I was so entrenched in our home, and in my construction business, that I stayed longer than I should have.”
Fern nodded as she thought back to the darker side of Santa Cruz, to the tent cities that lay along the river and the discarded needles that littered the parks and beaches.
“I moved the family back to my hometown last year, a little mountain town north of Santa Cruz, but it was too little too late. My wife overdosed the week before we came here. To the island, I mean. I just cut and run. I couldn’t think there. Couldn’t function.”
Fern’s heart lurched, and she glanced over her shoulder to the basinet where Theo lay sleeping.
“Sorry,” Ethan muttered.
“No, I’m sorry. That’s horrible.”
“I’m out of my depth,” he admitted, staring down at his untouched soup. “I thought that another baby would be a fresh start for her, for our whole family. I never thought I would be raising him alone. I should have recognized the possibility, giveneverything… but it never even occurred to me. I guess I didn’t let myself think about it.”
“You’ve raised one wonderful kid already,” Fern said.
“I can’t take credit for Jun, not really. Her mom took care of her the first few years, while I was working seventy hours a week. It was mostly her and me for some of those middle years, but as soon as things got hard again, she moved in with her aunt. I feel like I failed her.”
Fern reached out to pat his hand, and he jerked in surprise. He stared at her and blinked rapidly, like he was just then remembering where he was.
“God, I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to lay all that on you. I just wanted to feed you dinner and thank you for all of your help with Teddy.”
“I love spending time with him.”
“Yeah, you say that.” He leaned back and scrubbed a hand over his unshaven face. “I told myself that I would be more hands-on with this one. Maybe I should have stayed where we had more people, but I wanted to be close to Jun. Not that she wants me here, but I want to be here. In case she needs me. I don’t want to be thousands of miles away.”
“I respect that.”
“My sister’s here too, but she’s got her own kid, her own life.Youhave your own life. I can’t keep asking you to watch my kid. That’s not fair to you.”
“Ethan?” She waited until she had his full attention, until his eyes – green flecked with gold – met hers. “Theodore is not a burden. Not to me.”
His throat worked like he was holding back tears, and he nodded.
“Please don’t hesitate to give me time with him. Honestly, I’ve been afraid of the opposite.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’ll be devastated when you leave. I love that little guy.”
She held his gaze a moment longer, and then his eyes flicked down towards her mouth. They lingered there for a second before he blinked and looked away.
That moment was the first glimpse she had seen of any attraction he might feel – the first hint that maybe,maybe, he saw her as a woman. Not just as a landlady and convenient source of childcare.
And she would have been content with that, because she loved every moment that she spent with Theodore. Her neighbor was a widower, still freshly bereaved and grieving. That entitled him to a fair amount of leeway – and even if he had been in good spirits, there was no reason to believe that he would be interested inher.
He was younger than her, after all. And at nearly six feet tall – with a shaved head, no less – she wasn’t exactly every man’s cup of tea.
But thatlook.
Heat rushed to her cheeks a moment later when she realized that she was still staring at him. She looked down at her soup and picked up a mushroom with her spoon, even though she didn’t feel particularly hungry.
Out of the corner of her eye, she watched Ethan eating with a similar lack of enthusiasm.
“How long have you lived in Pualena?” he asked after a while.
She accepted the change of subject gratefully, and they spent the rest of the meal discussing the many places that she had lived – including her passes through Santa Cruz a few years back.
By the time they’d finished the soup and each eaten a bowl of curry, the tension between them had faded… mostly.
