Page 62 of Big Island Summer
“I’d like that,” she whispered.
He pulled back enough to look her in the eye. “Would you?”
“Of course I would.”
“Then I’ll make it happen.”
19
Fern
Theo’s ribs moved up and down in a steady, hypnotizing rhythm as he slept.
Fern watched his lashes flutter, eyes moving rapidly beneath closed lids, and wondered what babies dreamed about.
She’d held her friends’ babies countless times, had watched them grow and taken them for long weekends while their parents were away, and she loved all of them… but not like this. The love she felt for Theo went deeper, right to the marrow of her bones.
It felt like her love for her own babies.
Her daughter would have been five now, if Fern’s body had been able to hold on to her for just a little longer, long enough for her fragile lungs to grow stronger and take in air.
Her son would have been just about Theo’s age.
Fern wondered sometimes if that was why her heart had latched onto this baby with such fervent stubbornness, why she loved him beyond all reason.
It was illogical, maybe even unhealthy.
He wasn’thers. She had no claim on him.
But she would give her life for his in a heartbeat.
After her miscarriage – her son was with her for less than twenty weeks, meaning that his death wasn’t technically a stillbirth, though it was no less devastating than her first loss – Fern had locked her longing for a baby away.
She’d moved to Hawai‘i and built a business in Pualena, made friends and found community in a new place. She’d made a home for herself and started – finally – to put down roots.
And then Theo had come along and blasted the doors off of her heart.
He’d reminded her of how deeply she longed for motherhood – how much she wanted afamily. She’d even started looking into what it would take to become a foster parent in Hawai‘i… but between her tiny one-bedroom home and her students paying her under the table in cash, she worried there was no way she would ever be approved.
A soft rap on the door – too quiet to disturb Theo’s sleep – pulled Fern from her thoughts. When she opened it, a rare smile from Ethan made her heart flutter.
She wasn’t in love with him, hadn’t fallen head over heels for him in an afternoon… but she easily could, and that was a terrifying possibility.
The man was gorgeous, but he was grieving. Romance was off the table.
In different circumstances, she might have considered a rebound fling – but not when he was subletting the apartment upstairs, andnotwhen she loved Theo like he was her own flesh and blood.
So far, despite handing Theo off multiple times a day, they had each given the other their space. Ethan worked tirelessly at renovating an apartment that neither of them owned, Fern taught her classes, and Theo moved back and forth accordingly.
“Is he sleeping?” Ethan asked quietly.
“Yeah. He just went down about ten minutes ago.”
“Thank you for watching him today.”
“It was my pleasure,” she assured him. “He is so precious.”
“I finished the kitchen floor. Do you want to see?”
