Page 26 of Big Island Summer
“You’re not. You’ve done an amazing job. She’s an extraordinary kid.”
He took a long, shaky breath. “I thought it was a fresh start. For all of us. I thought Jun could finally get her mom back. She seemed different.” He raised his head and looked her in the eye, then asked in a desperate tone, “Don’t you think she seemed different?”
“I remember she was glowing.”
“She was so excited about Teddy. She wanted so badly to reconnect with Jun. Maybe if she had stayed–”
“No,” Emma cut him off. “Don’t do that. Not to her, and not to yourself. What-ifs can drive you crazy if you let them.”
His shoulders slumped. “I thought she was really recovered this time.”
“I know.”
“You must think I’m an idiot.”
“You’re not an idiot.”
“A smart man wouldn’t have given her so many second chances.”
“You’re not stupid, Ethan. Loyal to a fault, maybe.”
He made a harsh sound, somewhere between a laugh and a cough.
Emma sighed and rubbed her brother’s shoulder. He had just loved Laurel so much – with everything he had, and everythinghe was. He had devoted his entire adult life to her care… to his detriment, and Jun’s.
Maybe now, he could finally find some peace. Not overnight, but eventually.
Bit by bit, piece by piece, he could start to figure out who he was without her.
Teddy started to wail again, and Ethan jumped to his feet.
“You get him,” Emma said. “I’ll make a bottle.”
“You don’t have to do that,” Ethan told her, already reaching into the crib.
“It’s okay. I want to.”
She went into the kitchen and started some water warming on the stove, then opened the can of expensive formula that Ethan had brought with him.
Given free reign, she would have given Teddy fresh milk from the goats in the backyard. But Ethan had about pitched a fit when she had suggested it, and he was the parent.
As she mixed the formula, her eyes went to the yoga schedule on the fridge.
“I’m going to head to a yoga class,” she told Ethan when she handed the bottle over.
“Okay.” He propped his son up against his chest and tested the formula on the inside of his wrist. “I’m sorry, Em. I’ll find a place soon. Or we can head back to Redwood Grove.”
“You don’t need to do that. You being here isn’t a burden, and neither is Jun.”
“Yeah, you say that.” His smile was brittle. “But you deserve some peace and quiet.”
“You can stay as long as you’d like.”
“Us boys could use some space of our own, I think. You go ahead. I’m going to step out on the porch, get some fresh air and sunshine.”
Emma stood for a minute, watching him walk away, wishing that there was something more she could do for him… but she had to start by taking care of herself.
She ran upstairs, changed her clothes, and texted Tara.
