Page 12 of Big Island Summer
Juniper froze, her hazel eyes wide. She shook her head, almost imperceptibly at first, and then faster. Emma reached for her hand, but she flinched away.
“Your mom passed away last night.”
She squeezed her eyes shut and put her hands up over her ears, curling forward like a child anticipating a beating. Emma ran a hand up and down her hunched back, wishing that there was something she could do to ease her niece’s pain.
“I’m so sorry.”
Juniper went perfectly still. Was she even breathing?
Then she took a sudden breath in, a ragged gasp, and burst into tears. She slid off of the couch and curled into a ball, wrapping her arms around her legs and hiding her face as she sobbed.
Emma joined her on the floor and put both arms around her, as if doing so could somehow hold her together. Her own tears fell silently, dripping down her cheeks and into Juniper’s auburn hair. Just a few weeks of island sunshine had lightened it, bringing out the red undertones beneath the dark brown. It was closer to Emma’s color now than Laurel’s.
They sat there on the floor for a long time before Juniper’s sobs finally subsided. She sat up straight, moping at her face with her shirt, and Emma handed her a box of tissues.
Juniper accepted it and blew her nose, still not meeting her eyes. She stuffed the used tissue in her pocket and picked her tea up off of the table. It had long since gone cold, but she took a long drink anyway.
“What do you want to do?” Emma asked. “Do you want to go home?”
Jun’s eyes went wide. “Iamhome! Do I have to go?”
“No!” She reached out and patted her back again. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I didn’t mean it that way. You have a home here as long as you want one. I just meant, if you do want to go back and be with your dad, I can get you a ticket.”
“I don’t want to go. Does that make me selfish?”
“No.” Emma scooted closer and put an arm around her shoulders. “You’re not selfish. You’re seventeen. It’s not your job to take care of anyone else.”
“Dad must be wrecked.”
“Yeah.” There was no use denying it. Laurel was his whole heart. “But he’ll find his way through. He’ll do it for you, and for Teddy. Just like I did for Kai.”
“Do you really think so?”
“I do. It might take a while, but he has support there. Toni and Liz and your grandma are all taking care of Teddy, and I’m sure they’re looking after your dad too. Just like they did for me.”
“I should be there too. I should be helping.”
“No. Not unless you want to. It’s okay if you don’t.”
“Really?”
“Really, Jun. I know you don’t act like it very often, but you’re still a kid. All you have to do right now is take care of yourself. Grief is hard to navigate, but I’m here for you. Toni’s there too, anytime you need to talk.”
She was quiet for a while. Eventually she said, “I almost feel… relieved. Is that horrible?”
“It’s understandable.” Emma held her niece tighter and kissed the top of her head.
“My mom just… she had these voices in her head that she could never get away from. She tried so hard,” Juniper’s voice broke, and she blew her nose again before continuing, “but she never really got free of whatever it was that had a hold on her. Do you think that all that stuff in her head, it was physical? Like it was health stuff, right? In her brain?
“I mean–” Juniper scrubbed the palms of her hands over her swollen eyes and let out a frustrated breath. “Gah. I sound stupid. I mean, what I’m trying to say is, do you think she found peace? Now that she’s free of her body? Do you think she can finally be okay?”
“Yeah.” Emma wrapped her arms around Jun again, pulling her into a hug. “Yeah, I do.”
Juniper started to cry again, but it was more peaceful this time. More of a summer rain than a hurricane. She was releasing years of pent-up trauma. Emma figured it was the healthiest possible response, and it gave her hope.
“I’m here,” she said quietly, rubbing her niece’s back as she cried. “Let it out. I’ve got you.”
Juniper put her arms around her, crying into her shoulder – letting herself be held and comforted.
