Page 88 of Big Island Horizons
Nell
Broken glass crunched beneath the thin soles of her shoes as she walked towards the door, her footsteps slow and halting.
She felt sick with adrenaline, heart pounding in her throat, teeth aching with panic.
Her body wanted to run, to race out the door and slam it behind her. Or, failing that, to lock the bedroom door and curl up into a ball around her sweet babies, like she had every night for months.
Sid was passed out on the couch - deep asleep, if the ragged sound of his snoring could be trusted. But the safety of a man unconscious was a false promise. She knew from experience that if she woke him now - with the creak of the front door, the reedy wail of their baby’s colicky cries - he would fly into an instant rage.
And so she moved with excruciating caution, careful not to wake her husband or the twenty pounds of squishy trust curled against her chest.
Her muscles ached with the weight of her baby, but it was a comforting ache. They were alive. They were together. The weight on her back was heavier still, but similarly comforting.
They were getting out.
“Cassie.” She breathed her daughter’s name quieter than a whisper and held out her hand. The four year old looked down at the glass strewn between them, still hesitating. Then she looked up into her mother’s eyes and hurried to her side, slipping her tiny hand into Nell’s.
Nell didn’t need to warn Cassie to keep quiet. The little girl was terrified. After this last explosion of rage and shouts and broken glass, Nell had found Cassie hiding in the back of the closet.
That, for her, had been the final straw. She had put up with so much to keep a roof over their heads, and for years she had managed to shield Cassie from her father’s rage. But this, her daughter feeling terrified in her own home, was a step too far.
They had to get out.
She had locked the bedroom doorknob and closed it behind her. With luck, Sid would stumble off to work and not realize that they were gone until he came home for dinner late the next day.
Gingerly, she opened the front door. She glanced back over her shoulder. Sid didn’t budge.
She walked out, Cassie glued to her side, and closed the door silently behind them.
The night air was cool, and Nell took her first full breath in days. A new fear settled over her, a forward-driving fear of the dark night and what came next. But it was nothing compared to the fear of going back inside that house.
With Cassie’s hand in hers, she started walking.
There were no streetlights in Pualena, and the night was pitch black. Amazingly, Cassie didn’t protest. She just walked along beside her, pure trust.
Or maybe she too found the utter blackness of the road less terrifying than her father’s rage.
If Nell had known that tonight would be the night they left, she would have bought a flashlight. She would have done a lot of things. But she had been biding her time, hoping to save up some money from her new job before striking off on her own.
Tonight, she was grateful to escape with her life.
Her throat still ached from his hands around her neck. She should document these bruises, report them, pull together whatever she could for a chance at full custody. Her mind spun with everything that she had to do.
They turned the corner and walked into town, where a few lights in the distance cut through the unrelenting darkness of the night.
She didn’t even have a phone.
Sid had seen a man’s name come across the screen – just one of the co-op dad’s replying to something in the group chat – and chucked her phone across the room.
It had survived similar treatment in the past, but this time he threw it so hard that it cracked the drywall. It wouldn’t turn on after that.
With no phone and no car, there was only one place that she could think to go.
It shamed her, to be showing up someplace in the dark of the night, bruised and battered. But what else could she do? Sleep outside with her two babies?
She considered it, briefly. But no. She had people now, community. As much as it pained her to ask for help, she would do it for her daughter.
She was lucky that it wasn’t pouring rain – but knowing Pualena, the sky could open up at any moment. The clouds were thick, with no trace of stars or moonlight.
