Page 68 of Big Island Neighbors
She felt guilty sometimes for not spending more time with these two. In some ways, they were her first kids.
But they were in their thirties now, and between the demands of the farm and her human children, they often got lost in the shuffle.
She tried not to feel too badly. They had a large enclosure, plenty of toys, and pet chickens that they fed daily. They loved dropping their scraps to the floor of the aviary and watching the chickens peck at them.
She withdrew a handful of blueberries from her pocket – an old favorite but a rare treat here in Hawai’i – and split them into two even piles. Lucy took her time with hers while Ricky complained, moving up and down the branch as he waited impatiently for his half.
Her phone buzzed with an incoming call, but she ignored it.
It buzzed again when she was done feeding the birds, and she checked the screen.
CALL ME, Mitch had texted.
Her stomach turned, old dread mixed with a newfound exasperation. For so many years, she has worked so hard to appease him and keep the peace.
She was tired.
Anticipating shouting, she eased Lucy off of her shoulder and left the aviary before calling him back.
With her earbuds in and a shovel in hand, she pressed the call back button and attacked a muddy hill of goat manure that had been left too long. Fresh goat pellets were inoffensive, but this pile was starting to stink.
“You told them we’re getting a divorce?!” he shouted.
She winced, regretting the earbuds. “Hello to you too.”
“We haven’t even reached an agreement yet!”
“I told you that I was ready.”
“You didn’t hire a lawyer! You haven’t served me with papers!”
“Do we really have to go that route?”
“I guess we do.” His tone was ugly, and she felt a jolt of fear.
They were just barely getting by financially. She couldn’t afford a lawyer. There was nothing extra.
“I can’t believe you told them without talking to me first,” he fumed.
“Paige asked me if we were going to get a divorce. What was I supposed to say?”
“Say we’re taking a break! Say that we’re figuring things out. Say that this is for Mommy and Daddy to worry about and it’s really none of her business.”
“Her dad is gone, Mitch. You made it her business.”
“I”m notgone! I’m just… not there.” His anger seemed to evaporate, and the last few words were spoken quietly. “How did we get here?”
You decided to shack up with your highschool girlfriend,she wanted to say. But she pressed her lips together and continued to shovel manure into a rusty old wheelbarrow.
His sudden decision to leave had been the catalyst, not the cause. The romantic side of their marriage had been dead for a long time, and Tara had refused to acknowledge that truth because she’d liked the rest of her life just as it was.
She’d never considered leaving, hadn’t even considered asking him to leave.
And now that he had, she felt grateful.
He should have handled it better. She resented the impact that the sudden decision had on their children, and the financial stress it had put her under.
But she had gotten through it.
