Page 94 of Big Island Sunrise
“Yeah.” He sounded miserable. “We’re, um, we’re gonna give it a chance.”
Her knees gave out slowly, and she sat on the wooden corner of one of her raised beds.
“My mom’s not doing well, so I thought I should stay in town for a while anyway. You know, stay close. Help her out.”
Tara stared into middle distance as darkness swallowed the garden.
“Are you still there?” he asked.
“Are you saying that you want a divorce?”
“We don’t have to decide now. We can just… take some time.”
She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to take a breath. He wanted to see how things worked out with his old flame before he decided if he wanted to stay married to her or not.
Whowasthis man? How had she ended up with him?
She could hardly remember who he used to be.
“We haven’t been happy together for a long time,” he said. “Isn’t it about time we admitted that?”
She opened her eyes and looked up at the moon. It floated just above the tops of the ohia trees at the back of the property, almost full. Then the clouds shifted again and swallowed it whole. The color had drained from the sky, leaving just a trace of purple against the black.
“I am happy,” she said weakly. A quiet protest. “I love our life.”
“You loveyourlife,” he shot back. “You love the kids and that money pit of a hobby farm. But you’re not actually happy - not when I’m home, at least.” The bitterness faded into something small as he said, “You don’t need me.”
“The kids need you. Your son needs you.”
“They don’t need me. They have you.”
“How can you say that?”
“I’m not abandoning them,” he said, a little too forcefully. “I’m right here. It’s not like they have to worry about missing school. They can come visit whenever they want. Get to know their grandparents while they’re still around.”
“Mom?” Paige’s voice rang through the dark. “Where are you?”
“I’m here,” Tara called back. In a quiet voice she said, “I have to go. We can talk later.”
“Fine.” He sounded tired, defeated. Likeshehad lefthim.
Then again, maybe she had. For so many years, she had tried to pull him into games with the kids, cooking together, digging in the garden. And year after year, he had retreated. Eventually, she stopped trying.
She had found her own happiness in a life that ran parallel to his.
The call disconnected and she stood, moving slowly as she left the garden and closed the gate behind her.
Maybe they had left each other a long time ago.
“Look!” Paige said when she walked through the kitchen door. “I found my helmet!”
She held it up and showed her the silver cartoons that she had drawn on the dark purple riding helmet. As desolate and adrift as Tara felt in that moment, she had to smile.
It wasn’t just her daughter’s artwork - though the cartoon ponies prancing around the brim of the helmet were certainly worth a smile. It was the whole scene.
Cody stood at the stove, cutting into the chicken pot pie that he had made from scratch. When he was as small as his sisters, he’d helped Tara make that exact recipe dozens of times. Now he could make it himself, letting Piper and Paige be the ones to help.
Paige sat at the kitchen counter, her brow furrowed in concentration as she added more ponies to the brim of her riding helmet. Piper was a few feet away on the living room floor, using their old German Shepherd as a pillow and reading a Nancy Drew book.
