Page 58 of Big Island Sunrise
“Would you like somesake?” Tenn asked from behind the sushi bar.
Lani jumped in surprise.
“Sorry. Didn’t mean to startle you.”
“It’s not your fault,” she told him. “I startle easy these days.”
“So,sake?” He held up a small, delicate bottle. “This one is–”
“I don’t drink,” she said quickly. Her cheeks flushed with embarrassment. “Not since before Rory.”
“That’s a long time.” He stashed the bottle beneath the counter and got to work on the sushi rolls.
“Everybody drank a lot on the cruise ships,” she said, and then the rest came tumbling out in a rush. “Every night. And off the ship, between contracts, we would drink even more. It was so normalized that it never occurred to me that I had a problem. But when I got pregnant with Rory,notdrinking was more difficult than I expected. And when she was a baby, I realized that I felt worlds better without it.”
That was all true, or true enough.
What she didn’t mention was her fear that if she started again, she would lose control. Between the long, dark days of winter and the extreme isolation of their cabin in the woods, any level of drinking had felt like a slippery slope that she wasn’t willing to approach.
She watched it happen with Zeke as six-packs turned to boxes turned to bottles.
It was too easy to get mired there. And she couldn’t do that to her daughter.
“Rory’s lucky,” Tenn said.
Lani looked up with a start. His eyes were on the sushi roller as he pressed their food carefully into shape.
“Olivia’s mom drank. Similar thing. Restaurant culture, drinks after shifts. It seemed normal. Difference is, she didn’t stop when Olivia came along. I mean, she did. But not for long.”
“How did you meet her?”
“We both worked at a restaurant across town, just before I started working here.” He took a breath. “We were already broken up when she told me she was pregnant. She moved in with me after that, and we tried again for a while, but it was no good.”
He was quiet for a moment, slicing the roll into even pieces. “Even when Olivia was a baby, her mom wasn’t around much. She couldn’t keep a job for long.
“By the time Livie was four, her mom was living over in Kona. She’d drive over the occasional Saturday, but that was about it. She never took Livie back with her, and it was just as well. Her boyfriend wasn’t…”
Tenn trailed off and handed her a plate of food.
“He was driving, the night that she died. They were both drunk – and then some.”
“I’m sorry.”
He nodded, eyes down on the next roll. “Mostly I felt like I had dodged a bullet. All I could think about was how Livie could have been in that car. I had been pushing for her mom to step up and take her more, work her way up to half time. Every day I thank God that she didn’t, that Livie wasn’t there when it happened.”
“Alfie-”
“Sorry.” He gave her a quick, watery smile. “I didn’t mean to– I don’t usually talk about that. You go ahead and eat, okay? I just need to grab something from the kitchen.”
He disappeared through the swinging doors, and her phone buzzed with a new message.
Rory’s fine. She and Kai decided that they’re going to sleep in the blanket fort we made in the living room. They’re in there now listening to a stories podcast.
“Everything okay at home?” Tenn asked as he came back in.
A small smile pulled at her as she put her phone away. “How did you know?”
“That you were checking on Rory? Because I was doing the same thing.” He held up his phone and showed her a picture of his mom and Olivia in matching pajamas.
