Page 84 of A Deal with the Broken Duke
“I’m going to have to,” Juliet murmured. “But I’ll never love another man the way I love him.”
“You can’t say that.”
“Yes, I can. I’m not going to be able to fall in love like that twice. And I wouldn’t want to. I don’t want to take the risk of feeling what I’m feeling now all over again.”
“But, Juliet,” Matilda said. “You just said you didn’t regret the kiss.”
Juliet opened her mouth, then closed it.
Her sister was right.
She didn’t regret the kiss. She didn’t regret letting Harry into her heart. She was glad for everything she was feeling now, even the pain. It was better than the numbness of simply never wanting anything but freedom from obligation. It was better than the dread inspired by men like Lord Stickland.
With Harry, she had felt alive.
“I hate that it had to end,” she whispered.
“Perhaps he’ll change his mind,” Matilda suggested.
“He won’t. And even if he wanted to, I wouldn’t let him.” Juliet shook her head. “If you’d seen the look on his face when we discussed the curse, you would understand. He really believes he’s to blame for the deaths of the people he loved in the past, Matilda. Imagine you believed you were to blame for Mother’s death. Could you allow anyone to get near you again if you thought that was what had killed her?”
“How can he believe such a thing? I’ll never understand that. He’s too smart to really think that’s what happened.”
“That’s what I thought, too,” Juliet said. “I thought I would be able to convince him of that. But the idea of that curse is just too ingrained in his mind. And if I’m honest, I understand it. I would feel the same way he does if I had suffered so much misfortune. I wish there was some way I could help him to see that it isn’t his fault, but if he’s not ready for that knowledge, I know I can’t force him to accept it. The best thing I can do is to stay away.”
CHAPTERTWENTY-EIGHT
The next night, Harry found himself at his favorite gentlemen’s club.
On any other occasion, under any other circumstances, he would have been glad to be there. It would have been a nice way to forget about his cares. But tonight, there was no forgetting everything that had happened.
There was no forgetting the imprint Juliet had left on his heart.
He ordered a strong drink and found a table to himself where he could sit and enjoy it without too much thought. But his thoughts followed him there.
Was she hurting as much as he was?
He didn’t know what he wanted the answer to be. He hated to think of her in pain, but it was just as difficult to imagine that she might have been able to simply walk away from what had happened unscathed.
And what of the curse?
She’s safe from the curse now. I did what had to be done. I walked away. It destroyed me to do it, but I did it, and that means she can’t be harmed by me.
But… was that true?
Harry had to admit that he didn’t know exactly how the curse worked. Much as he would have liked to believe that there was nothing to worry about now that their courtship was over, the fact of the matter was that he loved her, and just feeling that way might be enough to put her at risk.
What if, after all this, he had left her in danger anyway? What if he could have never prevented it?
He took another long drink, feeling ill at the thought.
A shadow fell over his table. Someone was standing there. Harry didn’t look up, hoping to convey that he wanted to be left alone.
The figure, whoever it was, didn’t move.
Eventually, Harry felt he could ignore the looming presence no longer. He looked up into the ruddy face and dark eyes of Lord Stickland.
Of course.
