Page 73 of A Deal with the Broken Duke
“You don’t want me to worry about you, but how can I not? You would worry about me if our positions were reversed. You worry about me all the time. You know you do.”
It was true and he couldn’t deny it, so he didn’t say anything.
She sighed. “I just… I don’t want to be the cause of this. I thought that if I spoke to you, if I told you I didn’t believe in the curse, it would make you feel better, but it clearly hasn’t. If anything, you only seem to feel worse about it all.”
“I don’t feel worse,” he assured her.
“Then it’s always been this way for you?”
He had meant to make her feel better, but she only looked more distressed.
“It’s just a challenge, having to think about it all the time,” he said, trying to reassure her. “I’m all right.”
“But you only have to think about it all the time because of me.” She looked wretched. “This is the reason you fled to Paris, isn’t it? To save yourself from having to think about the curse.”
“Well… Yes, all right, that’s why I went.”
“I knew it. And you came back because you thought it would be all right now, that you’d be able to be at home and around people you knew without this being at the forefront of your mind all the time. And you haven’t been able to do that because of me. Because of our arrangement. It forces you to remember, all the time, this thing you’re afraid of.”
He didn’t know quite what to say. “You make it seem worse than it is, Juliet.”
“No,” she said. “I can tell how bad it is. I can see it in your eyes, and I can’t be the cause of that pain anymore. I can’t do this anymore, Harry.”
Harry’s heart dropped. “What do you mean?” he asked, even though he thought he understood her perfectly well.
“I’m hurting you,” she said. “I don’t want to do it anymore.”
“No.” He gritted his teeth. “No, it isn’t like that. It’s not. I promise. I’m not afraid of the curse hurting you, I told you that.”
“I don’t think that’s true,” Juliet countered. “I think you want to believe you’re not afraid, but there’s a part of you that still is. But that’s not even what I’m talking about.”
“What are you talking about, then?”
“Just by virtue of the fact that we have this arrangement, you’ve had to think about all of that much more than you ordinarily would,” she said. “I think you’ve been thinking about it every time you see me. And I’m not a fool, Harry. I know how painful that has to be. I think seeing me is torturing you, and I’m not going to do that anymore.”
Harry’s heart was beating almost painfully fast. He felt anxious and desperate. He needed to find the right thing to say to stop her from slipping away from him forever.
She was never mine.
She was never his, but he was going to lose her all the same if he couldn’t think of a way to make her stay.
“We agreed to do this,” he insisted. “We agreed that we would use this arrangement for mutual benefit.”
“It’s not benefitting you.” Juliet sniffled. “Don’t try to tell me that it is, Harry. I’m not a fool. It’s just making you miserable.”
He swore under his breath, clenching his fists.
“Don’t get angry with me,” she pleaded. “I’m just trying to do the right thing.”
“If you’re doing this because you’re afraid of the curse—”
He immediately regretted having said it. Her tears finally spilled over.
“You know that isn’t why. You know I’m not afraid of the curse. I just don’t like seeing you so unhappy, Harry.”
“I’m not. I’m all right.”
“Don’t lie to me!”
