Page 71 of A Deal with the Broken Duke
“It’s unavoidable,” Harry said. “It’s a part of the curse I carry. I’ll never be able to feel free with a lady. I’ll always worry that my actions might cause her harm, the way they did to Susan. And I won’t allow that to happen again. It was too painful, and I couldn’t stand it.”
“I meant what I said,” Juliet insisted. “This curse, I don’t think it’s real, Harry.”
“How could it not be real? You’ve seen for yourself the things that happen to the people I allow into my life.”
“Doesn’t it matter to you that I’m not afraid of it?”
“I’m glad you’re not afraid,” he admitted. “But I don’t think you were ever really at risk. I allowed myself to grow fearful after your accident when we were playing nine pins, but the truth is that we’ve always kept a distance between us. Our courtship isn’t real, and I think that’s keeping you safe. It would be different if this was something real.”
“I don’t believe that,” Juliet said quietly. “I don’t believe in curses, Harry. I don’t believe I’m in danger by being around you.”
Harry sighed. “I’m glad you feel that way. And I suppose I’m glad you know the truth. I didn’t like thinking that you were taking a risk without being aware of it. But it doesn’t change the way I feel about things. I still think the curse is very likely real. And I still worry.”
“I’m sorry,” Juliet said gently.
He looked at her. “You’re sorry? What have you done?”
“I haven’t done anything. I just feel for you. I’m sorry you have to go through all this. It’s bad enough to have lost so many of your loved ones, but now, on top of that, to feel as if you’re the one responsible for it… it sounds just awful, Harry. I wish there was something I could do to make you see things the way I see them. I wish I could help you understand that you’re not to blame for any of this.”
“I’m glad you feel that way about it,” Harry said. “I don’t think I can believe that, but it does make me feel better to know that you don’t see me as a burden.”
“Of course not! Not at all. I hate that you see yourself that way, because you’ve never been anything but good and kind to me and my family. What happened to you was awful and tragic, but it’s not your fault, Harry.”
Harry turned away from her, not wanting her to see the expression on his face.
The truth was that he felt near tears, and that was a state that almost no one had ever been able to reduce him to in all his life.
He had rarely confided in anyone about his curse. Daniel knew, of course, and he had said many of the same things Juliet was saying now. But when he’d seen Harry with Juliet, Daniel’s resolve had crumbled. He had apparently forgotten all about the fact that he didn’t believe in curses. He hadn’t been willing to take the chance.
Juliet was different.
She was willing to take the chance. She was willing to risk everything for his sake.
Of course, Harry could never permit her to do it. But even so, this mattered. This was the first time someone had known about his curse and had wanted involvement with him anyway.
Not that she actually wants to be with me. This is all for the sake of a sham courtship. But even so, I owe it to her to make it the best courtship she could have hoped for. I owe it to her to help her find a gentleman she can bear to marry. I will put on the performance I need to in order to help her secure her future.
“I’m glad you told me all this,” he murmured.
“I was worried you’d be upset that I knew about it.”
“No. It’s better that you know. Better that we both understand each other fully.”
Juliet nodded. “I think so too. And I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with it on your own. I wish there was something I could do for you, something I could do to make you see how little this matters to me. The only thing that troubles me about it is the knowledge that it’s making you unhappy.”
“You don’t need to worry about my happiness.”
“I do worry about it, though,” she insisted. “I care about you, Harry.”
It was the first time she had said anything like that to him. And the response came tumbling out without Harry thinking about it or pondering what it might mean. “I care about you too,” he admitted.
He felt the breath leave his lungs along with the words.
Yes, he cared about her. But he also knew that he shouldn’t.
She was looking at him expectantly. And Harry didn’t know what it was she was expecting, but he did know that he would never, ever give it to her. He would help her find a good gentleman, someone who treated her well, but that was as far as this was ever going to go.
CHAPTERTWENTY-FOUR
