Page 70 of A Deal with the Broken Duke
Harry felt a jolt of unease. “What did Daniel do?”
“He told me about…” She took another deep breath. “He told me about the curse.”
Harry was shaken to the core. “He told you?”
“I don’t believe in it,” Juliet said quickly, looking upset. “I’m not going about this the right way. I meant to tell you that first. I meant to let you know that you didn’t need to worry because I don’t believe in it.”
“But I can’t believe he told you.” Harry’s head was spinning. “What would have made him do that? We agreed. He promised me he would never discuss it with anyone.”
“I know he didn’t do it to hurt you,” Juliet said. “He thought I needed to know.”
“Was he warning you to keep away from me, then?”
“No, it wasn’t that at all. I was upset. He wanted to help me understand why… why you might be distancing yourself from me. He wanted me to know that I hadn’t done anything wrong.”
“When did he tell you this?” Harry asked bleakly, but he knew when it must have happened. He knew what must have prompted it.
And he was right.
“After the Montgomery party,” Juliet replied. “I didn’t understand what had happened there. I thought we were getting along so well, but you were cold to me at that party, and then you hurried away from me with no explanation at all. I thought you simply didn’t want to be around me anymore. I was sure you were going to tell me tonight that you wanted to end our courtship.”
Harry sighed. “I’m sorry I made you feel that way,” he said. “It isn’t the truth. I was never going to end this courtship.”
In fact, nothing could have been further from the truth. But how could he explain that to her? How could he tell her, in the middle of a conversation like this one, that what he really wanted was to turn this false courtship into something real? What he really wanted was to be honest about his feelings and ask her to be his.
He couldn’t do that.
The curse would have stopped him anyway. But the idea of saying those words now that she knew about the curse…
Of course she said she didn’t believe in it. But she didn’t really mean that. She couldn’t. The evidence was there. Everyone he loved died. Even if she didn’t want to believe that it was true, he was sure that she harbored some doubts. And she would always have those doubts if she stayed with him.
He cleared his throat. “I owe you an apology,” he said.
“For what?”
“For the way I acted at Montgomery.”
“But I completely understand. If you were worried about this curse—”
“No,” Harry said, shaking his head. “The curse is only a part of the reason I treated you the way I did. The other reason, I fear, is much less defensible.”
“I don’t understand. What’s the other reason?”
“You haven’t guessed.”
“No.”
“I was jealous,” he said. “Lord Cumberland spoke to you so freely. He did it without a care in the world, with no worries on his mind. Lord Cumberland can approach a young lady he finds appealing and speak to her without worrying that his nearness will one day end her life. And I can’t do that. I’ll never be able to do that.”
“So the reason you got upset at that party was that you wished you could have the freedom Lord Cumberland has?”
“That’s exactly it. I was envious of him.”
It was as close as he dared come to the truth, that he was jealous of Lord Cumberland because he had been able to make Juliet smile. Harry was beginning to fear that he would never be able to bring a smile to the face of the lady he was growing to love. Certainly, he would never be free to tell her how he longed for her, and that was something else Lord Cumberland could do. Of course he was jealous. But he could never describe the specifics of his jealousy to Juliet. She couldn’t be permitted to know.
“That’s why I have to apologize to you,” he continued. “It was wrong of me to allow those feelings to impact the way I treated you. I can promise that it will never happen again.”
“But I hate to think of you suffering like that at all, Harry.”
