Page 68 of A Deal with the Broken Duke
“I know it isn’t,” Juliet relented. “But how can I not try, knowing that he’s been torturing himself with this idea? Just think of it. Every time I’ve coughed, probably, he must have wondered if this was it, the curse finally taking hold.”
“So what you’re telling me is that the reason you want to talk to him is to stop him from tormenting himself?”
“Of course.”
“I thought it was because you wanted him to stop pushing you away.”
“Well, of course I want that too,” Juliet said. “I do still have hope that we’ll be able to find a way to be close after all this. Perhaps it’s too much to hope for that this courtship could ever become something real—”
“I don’t think that’s too much to hope for at all.”
“Regardless, the most important thing, to my mind, is to let him know that I know he’s afraid of this curse. I don’t want him to feel as if I’m taking some kind of risk without knowing about it. I don’t want him to worry that I wouldn’t be willing to take the chance if I knew.”
“You really are in love with him, aren’t you?”
“What makes you say that?”
“You’re being so selfless about this. The first thing I thought of was that you could use the information to persuade him that he should be with you after all. But you seem more concerned about his happiness and peace of mind, whether he chooses you or not.”
“I just feel as though he’s been through enough,” Juliet murmured. “Losing everyone he loved that way. And it worries me to think that every time we’re together, he’s thinking about the same thing happening to me. At least he should know that I’m not taking that risk without knowing about it.”
Matilda nodded. “What are you going to do?”
“There’s a part of me that wants to go to his home right now and talk to him about it,” Juliet said. “I feel like he shouldn’t have to wait any longer.”
“Are you going to do that?”
“No. We’ll see each other tomorrow, anyway. I’ll just wait.”
“What’s tomorrow?”
“It’s the Narroway Ball tomorrow evening,” Juliet reminded her sister. “You know, I got that new blue gown for it.”
“Oh, that’s right. And you’ll see him there?”
“Well, I hope I will.” Juliet sighed. “He did say I would see him at the next ball. But after the way he walked away from me at the Montgomery garden party, I admit I feel a little apprehensive about it. I worry he won’t be there at all.”
“But of course he will,” Matilda said. “Even if he is worried about this curse, he wouldn’t just fail to appear.”
“I think you’re probably right. I did worry after what happened at the garden party that he might try to end things with me when he saw me at the ball. And I suppose I’m still a bit worried that might happen. But I think that if I tell him I know about the curse and that I don’t mind, maybe he’ll relax a little. Maybe he’ll be able to stop being so anxious about it. And I guess I do hope that will fix things between us.”
“I’ll hope for the same,” Matilda said. “I can see a bright future for the two of you, Juliet, truly.”
“I don’t know about that.” Juliet shook her head. “But I do have more hope than I did before I knew about this curse. Perhaps it was never me he was disinterested in.”
“In fact, I would say that this actually proves his care and concern for you.”
Matilda was pacing back and forth across the room now, her movements leaving Juliet feeling a little dizzy. Juliet turned to look out the window in order to stop looking at her sister. The sun was out today, and, unbidden, a fantasy came to her mind.
She pictured Harry walking across the grass, not heading towards the front door, but towards her window instead. Juliet imagined him stopping beneath it and looking up at her, spying her looking back down at him. She wouldn’t have been able to go down to him from here, but somehow, just the idea of them looking at one another felt like enough. In her fantasy, she knew that he had come because he couldn’t stay away from her, and that was appealing enough to make her nearly forget herself entirely.
Matilda was still speaking. “This fear he has, he’s allowed it to come between the two of you. And that really only makes sense if he cares for you, Juliet. If he didn’t care about you, he would have used the arrangement you made to his own benefit, to keep away the young ladies who’ve pestered him for attention, and not worried too much about what the impact on your life might be. It’s clear to me that hedoescare how this affects you, though. I think it’s possible he may love you every bit as much as you love him.”
“Oh, I don’t know about that,” Juliet whispered.
“You’ve convinced yourself that it can’t be true, that’s all,” Matilda said. “But I think it can be. I think it is.”
Juliet didn’t believe it. Her sister might be wise beyond her years—she was certainly that—but she was still young. This courtship between Juliet and Harry, such as it was, was really the first romance Matilda had ever had the opportunity to witness, so of course she believed there could be a happy ending.
