Page 57 of A Deal with the Broken Duke
“I think it’ll be a lot harder than it has been,” Matilda said sympathetically. “And I know that it’s been plenty hard on you already, Juliet. I wish it didn’t have to be this way. I wish we could find some other solution for you.”
“You don’t need to worry about me.” Juliet put her hand on her sister’s. “I’ll be all right.”
Even this was better than Lord Stickland, after all.
And besides, Juliet wasn’t sure she had what it took to walk away from Harry now. She tried to imagine making the decision to call off their arrangement and keep out of one another’s lives, and she didn’t think she would be able to go through with it. Even if that was what was best, she wouldn’t be strong enough. It was a thought that troubled her.
This arrangement was never supposed to last forever, after all. It had always been intended to end. If she couldn’t bear to think about things ending now, how was she going to manage when it actually happened? How would she cope with that?
She had no idea.
Matilda left the room after a moment, perhaps sensing that Juliet didn’t want to talk anymore. Juliet was grateful for her sister’s quiet departure and grateful to be left alone with her thoughts.
She sat up and busied herself by collecting the teacups and replacing them on the tray. Then, she opened the door and placed the tray out in the hall. One of the staff would collect it and take it away without disturbing her, and Juliet did not want to be disturbed. She wanted to take the evening to herself, to devote to her thoughts.
She closed the door, locked it and went to the window seat her sister had vacated, looking out at the rain.
What a dreary day.
And yet, she’d never felt farther from dreary in all her life. She had never been so filled with strange, insatiable energy. And she knew, without knowing how, that if Harry were to appear on that lawn, she would run down to him, rain or no rain. If he asked to spend time with her, nothing would keep her away from him now.
Had she just been making excuses all this time?
So often, she had told herself that she didn’t really want anything to do with Harry. That none of it was real. That she couldn’t love him because of the cruel things he had said to her. But at the moment, none of that felt true.
And she couldn’t help wondering if she had repeated those things to herself over and over because she was afraid of what she was feeling right now, afraid because she knew it was a feeling that would never be returned.
CHAPTERNINETEEN
“Ican’t believe you talked me into going to the opera,” Juliet whined.
“A night out is just what you need,” her sister retorted. “You need to stop thinking about Harry for a few hours and focus on something else. We’re going to have a marvelous time.”
Juliet wasn’t sure. The idea of spending the night at the opera out amongst people didn’t appeal to her. She wanted to sit in her bedroom and brood over her newfound feelings for Harry. But perhaps her sister was right. Maybe it would be best to stop doing that for a while, to get out of the house and be amongst people.
“I’ll do my best,” Juliet relented.
Matilda smiled. “That’s all I’m asking. Just try to forget about everything and have a nice time.” She looked around at the packed opera house. “Should we find our seats right away?” she asked. “Or should we stay and socialize?”
Juliet knew the performance wouldn’t start for some time yet. Her honest desire was to find her seat, but that would go against the reason she’d come out. She knew she would just sit there thinking about Harry again. “I suppose the right thing to do is to socialize.”
“That’s the spirit,” Matilda said encouragingly. “Come, let’s go get some drinks.”
They each got a glass of wine. Then, they moved through the crowd, greeting people as they passed them, even though neither of them saw any familiar faces.
They stopped after a while to stand and sip their drinks, wanting to finish them before they went in for the performance.
“I didn’t see him,” Matilda said after a few minutes had gone by.
“See who?” Juliet asked.
“See who?Harry, of course. Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about, Juliet. I saw you looking for him.”
“I wasn’t looking for him!”
“Yes, you were. You still are. He isn’t here.”
Juliet sighed. “All right. Fine. I was looking.”
