Page 51 of A Deal with the Broken Duke
“Didn’t you two get along at the last ball? You told me you’d had a nice time.”
“I did. We did. That’s not the problem.”
“Well, then, what’s the problem?”
Juliet sighed. “It’s that conversation with Daniel.”
“You think Daniel is going to tell Harry what we talked about? I don’t think he would,” Matilda said. “He’s been so contrite about the whole thing. I think he’s just horrified to discover that he stood by while you went through such pain.”
“No, I don’t think he’s going to tell Harry either,” Juliet agreed. “It’s just that conversation has me thinking about the past again.” She sighed. “No matter how hard I try to get away from all that, I can’t seem to leave it behind me. It follows me around. And it’s been even worse now that I have Harry back in my life because he was always so eager to point it out to me. It’s because of him that I spent so much of my childhood feeling awful.”
Matilda was quiet for a moment. “You know it really isn’t, though, don’t you?”
“What do you mean?”
“Harry said some insensitive things,” Matilda said quickly. “You know that I’d never defend him for that. You know I’ve always taken your side when he’s said something thoughtless or cruel.”
“I know you have,” Juliet assured her. “You don’t need to convince me of your loyalty, Matilda.”
“But the things he said wouldn’t have hurt you if you didn’t already feel bad,” Matilda pointed out. “You felt bad because you didn’t like what you saw in the looking glass. Maybe because Mother had always stopped you from eating as much as you like. You were always thinking about your appearance. No one would let you forget it. It wasn’t just coming from Harry.”
“You’re right,” Juliet conceded. “I know it’s not really Harry’s fault. I know I shouldn’t blame him. Idon’tblame him, not really. It’s just the same as it was with Daniel. He didn’t know how unhappy he was making me.”
“Daniel should have known, though.” Matilda shook her head. “And so should Harry. I figured it out, and I was only nine at the time.”
“You’ve always seen more clearly than anyone else I know. Particularly when you’re looking at me.” Juliet smiled. “You know me better than anyone else, Matilda. I don’t think I could keep a secret from you even if I wanted to.”
“I know that. That’s why you had to tell me the truth about the nature of your courtship. You couldn’t have hidden that.”
“I told you that because I wanted to tell you,” Juliet corrected her sister. “I wanted you to know.”
“We’d better move,” Matilda said suddenly.
“What? Why?”
“Harry’s just seen us. He looks like he’s going to come over. This way, quickly!”
Matilda took Juliet’s arm and pulled her into a crowd of ladies. They emerged on the other side and ducked behind a large rosebush.
“I’m being so silly,” Juliet said as they huddled there, peering through the brambles. “Avoiding him like this. I should just go over and talk to him. You must think I’m such a joke.”
“Of course I don’t think that,” Matilda assured. “And we’ll hide as long as you’d like. It looks like we’ve lost him, doesn’t it?”
Harry was looking around with a bemused expression on his face. It was clear he hadn’t the slightest idea where the two of them had disappeared to.
Juliet sighed. “I’m going to have to answer for this eventually.”
“He doesn’t know that you knew he was looking for you,” Matilda said. “You won’t have to tell him anything when he eventually finds you. You can just say hello and act as if you’re happy to see him.”
“I want to be happy to see him. IlikeHarry. He’s good and kind, and he’s doing something wonderful for me. I just don’t know how to stop thinking about the past.”
“It will happen,” Matilda said firmly. “It will happen in time. But for now, look at this. If you and I sneak behind the hedges we can get some cold drinks, and then we’ll join the party and greet people.”
“I suppose we’d better.”
Juliet was beginning to wish she had taken her brother up on the offer to just turn around and go home instead of coming here, even though she knew that the consequences for that would have been even worse. Her father would have never let her hear the end of it, and Harry would definitely have known something was wrong if she had failed to make an appearance.
She couldn’t even claim illness again. Not after the stir that had caused last time. She didn’t dare.
