Page 13 of The Honor of Being Hers
She turned toward him then, meeting his eyes for the first time since entering the conservatory.The golden flecks in his dark irises seemed more pronounced than she remembered, and there was a heat there that made her Omega nature flutter with interest.
“You broke me,” she said simply.Her wire-rimmed glasses had slipped down her nose slightly, she pushed them up with one finger.A nervous gesture that made her look younger, more vulnerable.
He flinched as if she’d struck him, his green eyes darkening with pain, but he didn’t look away.She could see his hands tighten behind his back, knuckles probably white with tension, the muscles in his strong jaw working as he fought for control.
“I looked up to you,” she continued, the words coming faster now that the dam had burst.“I didn’t understand why I always wanted to be near you, why every instinct told me you were safe.I thought something was fundamentally wrong with me.I kept thinking: he’ll protect me, he makes me feel calm, and then you’d—”
Her voice cracked, years of buried pain rising to the surface.However, underneath the hurt, she could feel something else stirring, the same biological pull that had confused her as a child, now magnified by adult awareness and the knowledge of what it meant.
“You made me feel disgusting for trusting that biological instinct.Made me feel pathetic for continuing to fall for it, over and over again.”
Ryan swayed on his feet slightly, his tall frame seeming to vibrate with barely contained tension.His hands remained locked behind his back as if he were physically restraining himself from reaching for her.She could see his jaw clench when he shifted, and smelled the spike in his scent, as if her pain affected him on a visceral level.“I know.I remember every moment of it.”
“No, you don’t understand,” she said, her voice rising with frustration.“Because now I’m here, and my body is doing it again.Every cell in me wants to be near you.Wants to curl up in your lap and rub my nose against your neck and let you fix everything that’s wrong with my world, and I—”
Her voice broke slightly, but this time it wasn’t just from emotional pain.The admission had sent a wave of heat through her body, her Omega nature responding to the possibility of getting what it had always craved.
“I hate that I still feel this way.I hate that after everything you did, part of me still wants you.”
“I hate that I made you feel that way about something that should be beautiful,” he said softly, his voice rough with self-loathing and something more profound, hungrier.“I hate that I taught you to distrust the very instincts that were trying to protect you, trying to guide you toward what you needed.”
She swiped angrily at her eyes, furious at her own vulnerability.“You were supposed to be the one I felt safe with.Instead, you were the one who taught me what it meant to be prey.”
He didn’t move, didn’t speak, didn’t offer empty platitudes or excuses.Just stood there, his scent thick with genuine grief and regret, letting her pain wash over him without trying to deflect or defend.Surprisingly, she could smell the change in him, too—the way her proximity was affecting his instincts, making them rise to the surface despite his careful control.
“I was seventeen, stupid, and cruel,” Ryan said finally, his voice raw with self-recrimination.His careful composure was cracking, revealing the man beneath the polished exterior.“I didn’t know what I was doing to Omegas around me, and you took the worst of it, for no other reason than your reactions triggered something in me I didn’t understand, but craved.You should know, you deserved nothing but protection and care.There’s no excuse for what I did to you.None.”
She looked at him then, really looked, and saw the truth written in every line of his face.
“I’ve spent the last eight years trying to make amends,” he continued.“Not just feeling sorry, but actually working to fix the damage I caused.Funding scholarships for Omega students who’ve been bullied.Working with programs that teach young Alphas how to recognize and nurture mate bonds instead of destroying them.”His voice grew stronger.“It doesn’t undo what I had done to you, but I needed to try to balance the scales somehow.”
“Why?”she whispered.
“Because what I did to you was unforgivable, but I needed to become someone worthy of your forgiveness anyway.Because you deserved better then, and you deserve better now.Because I’ve regretted it every single day since presenting as an Alpha and realizing the effect I had on those around me.I wanted to make sure no other Omega ever felt the way I made you feel.”
The sincerity in his voice, the way he didn’t try to minimize or excuse his actions, hit her harder than any dramatic breakdown would have.This was genuine remorse.Real change.Real work toward becoming better.
“I want to believe you’ve changed,” she said softly.
“I have,” he said with quiet conviction.“I’m not the same person who hurt you.I won’t ask you to forget what I did, but I’m hoping you might be willing to get to know the man I became.”
Lauren studied his face, the careful control, the way he was holding himself back despite every instinct urging him forward.This was Ryan choosing her comfort over his own needs, prioritizing her in a way he had never done before.
“I think I’d like that,” she said, and felt something shift in the air between them.
“Really?”His voice was barely a whisper, hope threading through the disbelief.
“Really.”She took a step closer, then another, until she was standing directly in front of him.“I forgive you, Ryan.I choose to start over.”
The relief that flooded his features was immediate and overwhelming.“Thank you,” he breathed.“Thank you for giving me another chance.”
“But I need something from you,” she said, reaching up to touch his face gently.
“Anything.”
“I need you to teach me things I should have learned years ago.I need you to show me what it feels like to be wanted by someone who actually cares about me.”
That’s when she finally whispered the truth that had been building inside her: “Because even knowing what you did, remembering how you made me feel… The biological pull is still there.My body still thinks you’re mine.And I’m tired of fighting it.”
