Page 103 of From Helsinki with Love
Vivian
Promises, promises *winky face emoji*
Jasper
You know, if you’re naughty, I might have to show you how to behave later
Vivian
Like I said; promises, promises
28
AND ALL I CAN SAY IS GO GIRL!
JASPER
The blades of my skates feel blunt as I skate toward the goal. It’s hard to keep up with my new team, and it’s starting to show. But now it’s my chance to prove to them how good I am and why I deserve to be on their team.
As I take my shot, the crowd quiets. I glance around me, confused about the sudden silence. That’s when I realize that it’s the wrong fucking goal. Felix can’t block the shot, and I score an accidental goal for the Woodpeckers. The team that traded me like I was nothing.
And now I proved them right.
“Vittu,” I shout, my voice buried under the sudden burst of sound and boos from the audience. The fans are going mad, shouting things no one should hear in their lifetime.
Fuck, I can’t breathe. I—
“Jasper, love, wake up,” I hear Vivian’s voice in the distance. “It’s only a nightmare. You’re okay.”
Vivian. My muru. Did she just witness my fuck up? I hope not.
I feel her touch on my arm and open my eyes. It takes me a moment to realize what’s happening. I’m lying in Vivian’s bed, my heart racing, sweat dripping down my face. It was just a dream, thank fuck. But as I take a deep breath and try to calm down, I still feel the shame and embarrassment of that moment on the ice. The echo of the crowd’s boos is still ringing in my ears.
Vivian must notice my distress as she leans in to kiss my cheek before nuzzling into me. “It’s okay, Jasper,” she whispers. “It was just a dream.”
I try to steady my breathing. “It’s just…I can’t shake this feeling, you know? The feeling that I’m a failure.”
She takes my hand and squeezes it. “You’re not a failure, Jas. Trust me when I say that.”
I smile weakly at her, grateful for her words of reassurance. But deep down, I know my performance on the ice hasn’t been up to par lately. And I’m beyond worried about what will happen in tonight’s game.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Vivian asks, her voice soft and gentle as she watches me.
I hesitate before answering. I don’t want to worry her, but the memory of the nightmare is still fresh in my mind. I decide to tell her the truth, hoping that she’ll understand.
“I had a dream,” I say, my voice strained from the emotions I’m struggling with. “I was playing and scored an own goal, giving an extra point to the Woodpeckers. The fans were booing me, and I just lost it.”
Vivian nods, her eyes never leaving mine. “I can’t even imagine what the pressure to do well must feel like for you. But you have to remember dreams aren’t always real. You’re a talented player, Jasper. You’ve proven that time and time again. And even if you make a mistake on the ice, it doesn’t define you.”
I let her words sink in. She’s right, of course. I can’t let my mistakes, like my fight with Westerholm, define me. I’ve worked too hard to get where I am now.
“Thanks, Muru,” I say, leaning in to kiss her forehead. “I needed to hear that. It’s just that the pressure to succeed is something else. The expectations of my legacy are slowly burying me under them. I can’t hide or run from that feeling.”
“Jas—”
She starts saying my name in a sympathetic tone, but I stop her. “No, I don’t need your pity. I just need you here, telling me it’ll be okay like you just did.”
She smiles softly at me. “Anytime, love. And remember, I’ll be cheering you on tonight, no matter what.”
