Page 55 of First Comes Marriage
She had to try to get through to Safiya and the sooner she did it, the better.
As luck would have it, Reshma didn’t have to wait long.
They’d just got back to the villa and were reflecting on how well the day had gone when her phone chimed an incoming message. It was Safiya telling her that she was free to meet if Reshma was up for it.
It turned out that Safiya and her husband and mother-in-law were staying in a villa not too far from Auntie Ruqayyah’s. Safiya’s husband, Ejaz, had popped out and her mother-in-law was otherwise occupied, so she was free to meet up.
Reshma agreed to meet Safiya in half an hour in the communal garden and when she got there, Safiya was already waiting for her. She hadn’t said anything to Zafar, not wanting to get his hopes up if Safiya decided she wasn’t ready to talk to him.
Both she and Safiya had changed out of their dressy clothes. Reshma was in jeans and a light jumper, while Safiya was in a dress and leggings.
‘Thanks for agreeing to see me.’
‘I’m still not sure there’s any point, but I’d forever wonder if I didn’t at least try while you’re all here.’ Safiya’s tone was sombre.
‘Sometimes the hardest part is just taking the first step, Safiya. I know Zafar is finding it just as difficult as you are. But once you both see each other, the rest will follow, I’m positive.’
Safiya shook her head. ‘It’s not that simple. I pushed them away. I was upset and angry. I felt let down. By everyone and myself. I punished everyone by shutting myself off from them, but I’d get information trickling in about them from here and there, and today when I had a chance to see them, I couldn’t. I couldn’t face seeing them and their disappointment in me. So I contented myself by just seeking you out. Do you know how many times I ducked away so Daadi didn’t see me?’ Her voice broke and Reshma watched tears pool in Safiya’s eyes, but, unlike earlier, this time she let them fall, swiping them away roughly.
Reshma couldn’t stop herself and gathered Safiya close, trying to comfort her, but at the same time stopping herself from pressuring her to do something she might not feel ready to do.
Safiya’s breathing steadied after a couple of minutes and she pulled back.
‘You said Zaf is finding it difficult. What did he say to you?’
‘How about asking me that yourself, Saf?’
23
Zafar
Countless thoughts and feelings were powering through Zafar and he couldn’t figure out what to focus on first. The buzzing in his ears had reached a crescendo and he felt like he was vibrating with emotion.
It wasn’t like Reshma to duck out like she had with hardly a word and after seeing her with Safiya twice at the wedding, he had a feeling it might have something to do with his cousin, so he’d come after her. Even if it hadn’t been about Safiya, he wanted to make sure Reshma was all right.
He’d been wanting to approach Safiya all day, but his feet had been glued to the spot whenever he’d considered making his way towards her, his old nemesis guilt holding him hostage. The fact that Safiya was so close to him and yet so far had made him want to break something. She’d looked almost the same as she always had, yet different in many ways too. She’d made her way to Reshma and spoken to her and they’d both hugged each other. Zafar had felt both pain and satisfaction at the sight and had wanted to go over there and pull his cousin – his sister – into his arms, but he hadn’t. It had left him feeling incredibly frustrated.
The only time he hadn’t felt like that was when he’d been entranced by Reshma. When she’d walked into the hall behind Saleema on Shoaib’s arm – she’d looked stunningand his feelings for her had blossomed within him until they’d filled him completely. Her smile had been bright enough to light the entire venue.
Or during the nikah, when his mind had rewound back to when he and Reshma had been sitting on either side of a partition like that, and then the partition had been removed and he’d seen her for the first time dressed as a bride. His bride.
While Saleema and Nomaan’s nikah ceremony had been going on, he’d listened to the imam’s sermon and reflected on his own marriage. He no longer lamented the fact that he’d made mistakes or that his marriage hadn’t had the best start, but instead he felt grateful that he’d realised his errors and had set about trying to rectify them. He was pleased that he and Reshma were in a better place than they had been when they’d both come out here separately.
The connection he’d felt towards her in that moment had been so strong, he’d felt a keen need to touch her, to know he was connected to her in every way that counted. He’d held her hand as the nikah had been concluded, feeling a sense of peace imbue his body.
And then he’d seen her with Safiya again and that restlessness had come back, except the feeling hadn’t shifted. He hoped to God that whatever Reshma and Safiya had spoken about hadn’t caused either of them distress.
Seeing Reshma leave the villa when they’d all been relaxing had struck him as odd and he’d been right to think something was going on.
Reshma and Safiya were standing in the communal garden hugging each other before Safiya pulled back and looked at Reshma questioningly.
‘You said Zaf is finding it difficult. What did he say to you?’
‘How about asking me that yourself, Saf?’ He’d spoken without even realising he was about to and both women turned and looked at him in surprise.
‘Zaf.’ Safiya whispered the word and Zafar closed his eyes as grief overwhelmed him. Grief over the time they’d lost with each other. Grief at having failed her. Grief at not having heard her say his name in six long years and, worst of all, grief at her feeling unable to come and speak to him or Daadi. As though she had something to be ashamed about, when that was as far from the truth as it was possible to be.
Zafar opened his eyes, feeling the sting of tears in them. He didn’t say anything, silently opening his arms for his cousin, and she only took a second to close the distance between them before her arms were wrapped around his middle and her face was pressed against his chest as both of them let their tears fall freely.
