Page 15 of First Comes Marriage
But here they were.
In the last year, he’d made no effort to take their relationship forward. He’d given nothing of himself to her and he’d not bothered to get to know her any better either. His mind went to her statement about love.
I don’t put a great deal of stock in love from others. God knows, it’s not come my way from the people who you’d expect to offer it unconditionally.
There was so much to unpack there and the stuff she’d said about not knowing what it was she did that drove people away. It alluded to so much more, deeper issues about things that went beyond him and their relationship, and he felt more guilt at not knowing what those issues were. He wanted to know what she meant.
His phone buzzed and he pulled it out of his pocket.
Murad: Awake?
Murad and his uncanny ability to get in touch in such moments. Zafar shook his head in some awe as he messaged him back.
Zafar: What’s up?
Murad: You didn’t send me an update so I thought I’d ask for one myself.
Zafar: I spoke to you this morning. What did you think I’d accomplish in ten hours?
Murad: Obviously not as much as I would have
Zafar debated telling Murad about what had happened just now and decided against it. He needed to get his own head around it and figure out a way forward for himself on this one, for now at least.
Zafar:
Murad: Keep in touch, mate. And remember what I said.
Zafar: What bit? You talk a lot.
Murad: Lol. Simple gestures.
Zafar put his phone down, shaking his head at Murad’s idea ofsimple gestures. It was easier said than done, especially after the way this evening had turned out. At this point, Zafar felt that anything he did had the potential to blow up in his face no matter how small orsimpleit was, but he couldn’t let that deter him.
He needed to dosomething, there was no doubt about it. Something to show Reshma that she and their relationship were important to him. He didn’t want to be another person who let her down and caused her hurt and disappointment as she’d alluded to.
Heaving a tired sigh, Zafar made his way inside to sleep. He slept on and off and when he did manage to fall asleep, he was restless. He was wide awake at six the next morning, watching the morning light filter in through the gaps he’d left in the curtains when he’d drawn them haphazardly last night.
Last night.
Memories and feelings from the night before assailed him, but rather than let them anchor him down like they had last night, Zafar decided that with the new day, he’d start afresh.
He peered in Reshma’s direction. She was deep asleep, her cheeks lightly flushed and her lips slightly parted. One arm was tucked under the duvet and the other was thrown over her head. Her nose stud sparkled as the soft morning light reflected off it. The skin under her eyes was puffy from all the tears she’d shed, making his heart squeeze painfully at the reminder. Loose strands of hair that had escaped her plait framed her face, and as tempted as he was to push them back, he didn’t. He didn’t want to risk waking her and it was probably a good idea to keep his hands to himself. He needed to remember that they weren’t in a place where he had the freedom to do that.
He carefully scooted out of bed and fifteen minutes later was swimming lengths in the pool again, remembering how much he enjoyed this particular form of exercise. Work commitments and family responsibilities had slowly curtailed the time he spent on working out and he limited it to runs, going to the gym or occasionally going to the boxing ring with Ash. It would be ideal if he had a pool at home, but he wasn’t that big money – not yet at least. He couldn’t justify such an expense. But once their hotel deal was a go, maybe he’d be able to do that.
With his mind on work, he powered through the water, swimming length after length. The hotel deal was at a crucial phase for them and it was essential that all their T’s were crossed and their I’s were dotted. It was a long-held dream of his grandfather’s that he’d never been able to realise in his lifetime and if Zafar could see this deal completed and announce his first step in that direction in time for the date that would have been his grandfather’s birthday – 10 December – he’d be content that he was on the right path to making his grandfather proud.
Feeling the build-up of lactic acid in his thighs, he slowed his pace down and reached the end of the pool, leaning against the edge to catch his breath. He faced the beach, seeing it just above some artfully arranged flower boxes, and he realised that in no time, he had fallen back into work mode. Less than an hour ago, he had woken up and seen the after-effects of tears on Reshma’s face and instead of thinking about what he was going to do to bring them to a better place – to do better himself – he was thinking about work.
Zafar shook his head, running a hand through his hair. This was wrong. He was wrong. He needed to push thoughts about work to the back of his mind – unlesssome shit hit the fan back home, in which case Ibrahim or Murad would let him know – and concentrate on being present in the moment. It was difficult but not impossible. And it was important.
He hauled himself out of the pool, and after a quick shower, he was in the kitchen, deciding that he’d get a head start on making breakfast.
He was cracking eggs in a bowl when Daadi came through the corridor and into the living area.
‘Well, would you look at that.’
He looked up as she came towards him, her walking stick nowhere in sight.
