Page 31 of The Hitman
I see the weight of what I’ve said when it hits her. The kind of life it implies. The scars it confirms.
She doesn’t say anything as she moves to sit down, but then, she doesn’t have to. Because somehow, for some reason, she chooses to stay.
And that’s all that matters.
I finish cleaning out the wound and lightly pack it before grabbing a couple of rags and scrubbing my face, chest, and arms. I return to the table, and after opening the supplies I need, I angle my body away from her and pierce my skin with the needle.
My teeth ache from clenching with each methodic tug.
“Who was he?” Callie asks while I work. “Why did he want to kill you?”
My grip tightens on the hemostat and suture. I focus on the needle in my arm instead of the pressure in my chest because it’s easier to bleed than to speak.
“His name was Dimitri Volkov,” I say eventually. “His brother, Alexei, was a target of mine when I worked for the Blackwell Syndicate.”
“Blackwell Syndicate.” She tastes the words without knowing they’re lethal.
“I’m a—Iwasa contract killer. They called me The Reaper because I never missed a target.” Not like the one I nearly missed tonight. “Isa’s accident was orchestrated by Volkov in retaliation for me killing Alexei, and I came out of retirement to finish what he started.”
I knot the thread, snip it, and toss the tools onto a tray. The clatter echoes louder than I expected, but still, I can’t make myself face her.
“I think I like warden better,” she mutters softly, and fuck if I’m not grateful for that little olive branch.
“Me, too,” I say, finally meeting her eyes.
“So… Alexei was a bad man?”
“He was a trafficker, and it doesn’t matter that I was just doing my job, ridding this world of men like him. Revenge doesn’t care about right or wrong, and Dimitri’s been waiting for his moment ever since.”
Saying it out loud makes me feel exposed in a way no mission ever has.
“I thought I could walk away from all of this,” I add. “But when you carry that many bodies behind you, there’s always someone chasing your shadow.”
She’s silent while I wrap my arm in gauze. My fingers tremble, not from the wound, but from the questions yet to be asked.
“Was Leo ever safe?”
“No,” I admit quietly. “Not with me.”
Her body stills, and the guilt threatens to drown me.
“I could’ve sent him away with my parents, but at the time, I didn’t know who was targeting Isa, and it didn’t feel right to draw attention to them when I could keep him safe. Besides, you’ve seen how sensitive he is, and he’d already lost so much. I wanted to keep some sort of routine for him. I thought by keeping him close, I could give him what he needed, even if he hated me for the changes I was forced to make.”
I drag a hand down my face. “I just needed to believe I could protect the people I care for, but I failed.”
Callie stands, slow and quiet, before stepping in front of me. “You didn’t fail.”
I huff bitterly, but it doesn’t deter her.
“You took Leo in, Jaxon. Instead of handing him off, you took on the responsibility of guiding him through this so he wasn’t alone. And that matters more than you think.” Her palm flattens over my heart, and it thumps for her forcefully. “Trying shows him what it means to love.”
“I do. Love him, that is.”
“I know you do.” She gifts me her usual smile, and like a secret code, it unlocks all my defenses. “And he loves you, too.”
“He sees me as a hero, but I couldn’t be further from it.”
“You are his hero,” she tries to reason. “Let that be enough.”
