Page 112 of Storm of Bells
Well…
I’ll give you a hint. The last name of theanswer to that question started with an A.
‘Oh, good morning, Mr Ambrose. Isn’t thechurch decoration coming along beautifully?’
‘No.’
**insert startled pause here, due tofirst-time exposure**
‘It… it isn’t?’
‘No.’
‘Oh, um, I see.’
**old ladies exchanging nervous glances,then suddenly smiling**
‘Ah! You’re jesting. You’re such a funnyand sweet man.’
‘No. I’m not.’
**insert another pause—a longer one**
‘Um…err…I’m sure you are, deep down. Andsince we’re on the subject of sweetness—I’m sure you’d like to showyour gratitude for all the hard work we’ve done in some smallway?’
**insert suggestive wink here**
A moment of breathless anticipation.Then…
‘No.’
**looks being exchanged. The realizationspreads that this is a tough one, and the ladies decide to fallback on the tried and tested interrogation technique of ‘GoodGranny, Bad Granny’.**
‘Oh, please don’t misunderstand. We wouldnever think to ask for money.’
‘Good, because you’re not gettingany.’
‘Now, really, Sir!’ **Granny Twoapproaches, brows furrowed.** ‘That is no way to talk to a lady! Doyou want me to have to tell your bride about your behaviour duringthis conversation?’
‘Just tell us a little bit.’ **Granny Onesidles closer.** ‘Where did the two of you first meet? Was it at aball?’
‘If you don’t tell us, we’ll have a talkwith yourfiancéeand the vicar.’
**Good Granny and Bad Granny wait with batedbreath.**
‘Good. That means you won’t be botheringme anymore.’
**Utter disbelief spreads. For the firsttime, the technique of Good Granny / Bad Granny has failed tostrike terror into the subject’s heart.**
‘But…but…won’t you tell us a tiny littlebit? Your lady’s family background, perhaps? I couldn’t helpnoticing that her parents are not present, for instance, andneither is your father. We know so little about you andyour—’
‘Good.’
‘But can’t you—’
‘No. Farewell, Ladies. I expect thedecoration of the church to be ready by ten pm tomorrow. If not, Ishall deduct three shillings from your wages.’
‘But…you don’t pay us any wages!’
