Page 111 of The Robber Knight
So, all in all, things weren't going too wellwithin Luntberg Castle. And the silence, the silence fromoutside—it was slowly driving Ayla to distraction. She believed shereally would have gone insane if it hadn't been for Reuben.
He held her when she cried, joked with herwhen her spirits were low, and threatened to cut off Falkenstein'shead whenever she was frightened. He had even once or twicesuggested cutting off other parts of the Margrave's anatomy whichweren't as suitable for polite conversation, but had stopped forher sake.
The weird thing about his threats against theMargrave was that, sometimes, Ayla actually believed he wanted andcould do it—which made her feel safe while he was talking aboutsevered heads, and turn scarlet when he slipped and mentioned someparticular part of the male anatomy.
She chided herself for these feelings ofsafety. It was an illusion. Reuben was just a lowly merchant andcouldn't protect her from anything, let alone a lord and warrior aspowerful and accomplished as the Margrave von Falkenstein. Yet whenReuben's strong arms were around her, it was all too easy toindulge in this illusion of safety.
Besides, Reuben's moral support wasn't theonly thing about him that improved Ayla's spirits. As opposed toIsenbard's, Reuben's recovery was progressing at an amazing rate.Just two days after the attack over the river, he was able to situp without help, and three days later he managed, with the help ofa servant supporting him, to get up and make his first few clumsysteps around the room.
He protested continuously that he didn't needthe servant's help and tried to push the poor man away, until Aylagot tired of his tantrums and relieved the relieved servant of hisduty. From then on, she supported Reuben herself with an arm aroundhis waist, her body pressed tightly against his. He didn't seem tomind that for some reason.
Two or three more times, when Ayla came intohis room to check on him, she caught him lying on his back,stabbing at the air with a candlestick. Yet, regardless of howclosely she looked, she could never see the fly he claimed to bechasing away.
Since his fever had mostly retreated, shewasn't afraid anymore that this might be some febrile delirium, andshe just accepted it as part of the puzzling person that wasReuben. The puzzling, warm, ferocious, wildly handsome person sheheld dearer with every passing day.
Simply sitting quietly beside him was such ajoy that it never seemed to be the right time to question him abouthis curiously comprehensive military knowledge. When she was withhim, all she really wanted to do was smile, and hold his hand, andstare into his deep, stormy gray eyes.
Well notall,perhaps. There were a few other things she would have liked to dowith him, but even thinking about them made her blush, so shedidn't. Most of the time.
Yet these very feelings that gave Aylastrength and happiness unknown, also frightened her. Reuben was farremoved from eligible circles, and that wasn't even the worst part.What if he didn't want her the same way she wanted him? What, shethought, and this was the most terrible of all possibilities, a newtorment to her since she had begun to entertain the possibility ofletting her feelings for him grow, what if he was alreadytaken?
He was a heartbreakingly handsome man, afterall, and a few years older than she. Certainly old enough to bepledged or even—she shuddered at the thought—married. True, he hadnever mentioned a betrothed or a wife to her, but then, why shouldhe? They had known each other only for a short while. Why should hedisclose the details of his very private life to her?
Of course, she could always ask him.
Oh yes. She could say something like: “By theway, Reuben, are you already pledged to be married?” That would betotally not embarrassing. Her motive for asking the question wouldbe practically printed on her forehead! And even worse... What ifhe said yes?
The closer she got to Reuben, the harder itbecame to work up the courage to ask this question. Yet the closershe got to Reuben, the harder it also became to not ask it. She wasdesperate to know the answer, and became increasingly agitated,sometimes trying to avoid Reuben's eyes, sometimes trying to readthe answer to her question in them—without success.
Then, one day, she was caring for SirIsenbard, her back to Reuben, when she heard the words: “Reuben...are you pledged?”
It took her a few seconds to realize that thequestion had come from her own lips. She cringed, waiting for theblow that might follow, the blow that would shatter her heart.
“No, I'm not,” Reuben's unusually soft voicecame from behind her.
Ayla breathed a sigh of relief.
He wasn't pledged! He was free. As free asshe was.
A small, rational part of her mind tried toremind her that she wasn't free, by no means. She was a noble ladywith duties to her station and her people, and she couldn't just gorunning off marrying a mere merchant simply because she wanted to.Plus, she had no idea whether he might want to. He was still amystery to her, as inscrutable as on the very first day.
Yet, in spite of these doubts, possibilitiesopened up in front of her like a beautiful blossom, and shesuddenly saw a vision in her mind's eye:
Reuben, holding her in hisarms before the doors of a church, both of them glowing withhappiness, a ring on her ring-finger... not a ring put there byforce, but put on by a loving hand. They started forward and passedbetween crowds of cheering friends towards a carriage drawn by twobeautiful horses, one stallion and one mare...
Ayla's daydream broke off abruptly. In hervision, she had imagined one of the horses to be Eleanor, only toremember that her dear friend was lost to her forever. Suddenly,her happiness was gone. Tears welled up in her eyes, and shecovered her face with her hands.
*~*~**~*~*
What now? Reuben had expected some kind ofresponse from Ayla, but she just sat there, her back to him, anddidn't say anything. Had there been a purpose behind her questionabout his marital status? A shiver ran down his spine at thethought.
Him?
Married?
Once, he would have laughed at the idea andkicked the one who suggested it in the ass. However, that didn'tseem to be a wise choice here and now.
Had she really meant what he thought shemeant? Him? Marrying... her? But then, why wasn't she sayinganything? He tried to put himself in her position. What ifhehad suspectedshemight be pledged, or, the devil forbid,married?
