Page 56 of Derailed
“I will.” Sean twists in his chair and levels his stare. “Tryme.”
I lick my lips and clear my throat, but never drop eye contact. I’ve a pretty good aptitude for spotting liars. “What do you really think of your newdrummer?”
Sean’s forehead crinkles as his brows narrow, but he doesn’t hesitate to answer. “I think he’s a narcissistic asshole who gets off on putting down his girlfriend in front of others. He might have some people fooled, but I see through the smoke screen of his weak character. He doesn’t know how good he has things. If he did, he’d treat his woman with the respect and love she deserves. Because his girlfriend, she’s pretty fucking amazing, and a woman like her should betreasured.”
Iz lets loose a long whistle. “Damn, Sean.” He laughs. “Tell us how you reallyfeel?”
“That’s the truth.” His eyes pierce my gaze and I’m unable to look away. He’s telling the truth. That, or he’s a damn goodliar.
“We should probably go.” The words slip through my lips. As soon as they do, Sean looks away. As much as I hate myself for suggesting we leave, his opinion of Coy is only a reminder of what’s waiting at the house. If we don’t get back before he’s awake, there will be hell to pay. At least forme.
Sean glances away. “Yeah. We better roll,Iz.”
“Thanks for coming, brother.” Iz crushes the end of his cig on the ground before standing to hug Sean. “Appreciateit.”
“Anytime.” Sean pats his shoulder before steppingback.
“And you . . .” Iz tips his chin and extends a hand for me to shake. He steals a side glance at Sean before bestowing a big grin my way. “It was a pleasure to meet you,Jess.”
“Thanks for letting me crash your visiting hours.” I keep my smile easy and force a lightness into my voice I don’t reallyfeel.
“Anytime.” He winks and nods at Sean. “He’s a good man, that one. Better than most. But you’ve probably figured thatout.”
I have. But before I can open my mouth to respond, Sean’s hand is at the small of my back. It’s the lightest of touches, but my entire body thrums with a craving for more. More that I shouldn’t have. More that I don’tdeserve.
“See you next week, Iz.” Sean lifts his hand to wave at his friend and I immediately miss the connection. The warmth from his touch stirs a need inside me that can’t be met with sex or financial security. It’s a need for more time with Sean. More innocent moments that feel so much greater than theyshould.
Those are the thoughts that turn me inside myself the rest of the ride home. The drive back is nothing like the ride over. Gone is the playful banter. No boy band music singalongs. He doesn’t hand me his phone; instead, he settles on some satellite radio mix. It’s my fault, too. I’m an expert at putting upwalls.
Sean doesn’t point out my silence. He doesn’t give me a guilt trip or coax me into conversation. I’m grateful because it doesn’t turn the quiet into awkwardness, but at the same time my gut churns with disappointment. As if I want him to call me out and break down my safe front. As if I want him to see all of me. Stupid, pathetic, and pointless since that’s not what he wants. The ugly parts are there along with my good, and even a glimpse would send himrunning.
The signs approach for our exit and it’s only then Sean lowers the music and glances over. “Hey, are you hungry? There’s this Mexican food joint on the way. They have burritos that are to diefor.”
“Oh, um . . .” I sit up in my seat and check the time on the dash. It’s almost noon, and dread fills my mind. There’s a good chance Coy’s already up, and delaying the inevitable will only make thingsworse.
“We have to go. They’re so good.” He’s not asking, but the way he lets the words linger gives me an out. “You have to be starving. I know Iam.”
“I am, actually.” I blow out a breath and force a smile. “But shouldn’t we get back soon? Everyone might start towonder—”
“Oh, yeah. Totally.” He nods like it’s no big deal, but the hurt is there. He was reaching out an olive branch and I didn’t takeit.
“I’m sorry. It’s just I don’t want Coy toworry.”
“It’s cool, Jess. In fact, that’s an even better idea. We’ll hit the drive-thru since it’s on the way and bring food back for everyone.” He makes a right turn and pulls to a stop at the next light before meeting my stare. His lips lift in a smile that’s much too generous for what I expect. “Hey, it’s fine. I’m being selfish wanting more time, but you’re right; we should headback.”
“Thankyou.”
“I should be the one thanking you. I really appreciate you coming with me today, Jess. More than you know.” His gaze clouds over and I want to ask what for. I want to know why his sunny enthusiasm turns to gray. A horn behind us blares and we both glance up to a waiting green light. Sean cringes with a sheepish smile, sending us forward with a foot to thegas.
Twenty minutes later we walk into the house with two white paper bags of food. The aroma is mouthwatering and my stomach rumbles appreciatively. I should be scared, or at least anxious about how Coy will react, but I don’t allow myself to worry. If he’s upset, he has every right, and whatever consequences result are ones I deserve. It’s been nice to take a timeout from life. To ride with the windows down and bask in someone else’s attention for a few hours. But that’s not real life. Having a taste of something better only makes me wish for what I can’thave.
“Dude, yes!” Trent pops off the couch as Sean and I walk past the living room with the food. “Nando’s?”
“As if there were any other choice.” Sean’s lips lift to a grin as he sets the bags on the counter and slides them in front ofme.
“You are the best!” Trent says. “Aust! Get in here, man. They broughtfood!”
I begin unpacking the bag of burritos and dividing the differentsauces.
