Page 37 of Derailed
But what did I really witness other than Coy being a dick? Part of me doesn’t want to admit the satisfaction I’d feel if I could break them up because then I’d have to admit it’d mostly be in hopes of pursuing Jess for myself. That’s the resolution I hope for most, and that’s plaincrazy.
Even still, it’s not right the way he hurt her with his cruel words. He raised his hand, but would he have hit her? Is he that kind of monster, or is his abuse limited to verbal blows and intimidation? What would have happened had I not been there? The sight that sticks with me most is not the fear I witnessed in Jess’s eyes, but her resignation. As if she was willing and ready to take thepunishment.
The closer I get to the house, the more clueless I become. Holding the button on my steering wheel to alert Siri, I call home. My parents are probably two of the very few adults under sixty in the US who do not have cell phones. As the connection rings and rings, I lose hope that one of them will pickup.
“Hello!” Dad’s familiar voice thrums through the line and I breathe a sigh of relief. He always listens, and more than that, he gives the bestadvice.
“Hey,Dad.”
“Sean! Honey, it’s Sean! What a nice surprise, or at least I hope it is. Everythingokay?”
“Eh.” Unable to lie, but also not sure where to start, I go with the honest truth. “It’sokay.”
“Tell me about it,” he says, and I do. I tell him about Jess and how I can’t get her out of my head. I tell him about Coy and last night at the gala. I tell him about Iz, and how I feel duped after today’s visit. I even tell him about thephotograph.
“Sean, you’ve always worried for the world, even when the world didn’t care. It’s a heavy weight tocarry.”
“I don’t know how to changethat.”
“I would hate it if you did. The world needs you as you are. And maybe this Jess, maybe she needs youtoo.”
I want her to need me. I downright want her, but that’s wrong because she’s not available. “But what aboutCoy.”
“Coy will be the man he is, and you can’t change that. You don’t have to make Austin and Trent see it, either; he’ll show them on hisown.”
“So, I have to put up with his shit until what, he hurts Jess and screws over myfriends?”
“I’m not saying that. One day at a time, kid. But you going on a witch hunt all balls to the wall will only put you more at odds with your friends. Sounds like you’ve got enough of that as itis.”
I think back to their reaction when I told them I spoke to Iz. “Yeah.”
“Hey, don’t give up. Not on Jess. Not on Iz. Not on the guys. You know in your heart what’s right. Let that guide youractions.”
“You have a lot of faith in me.” Especially when I don’t have much inmyself.
“You’ve made it this far without letting them change your heart, Sean Willis. You’re stronger than you know.” His confidence guides my thoughts back from those of worry to ones of action. He’s right about one thing: if I haven’t let the world tear me down yet, I’m sure as hell not about to startnow.
