Page 92 of My Undead Heart
“Your heart’s not broken, Mia.” Jared stops short and shakes his head. “Okay, maybe it’s a little dead. But just because you don’t want to watch a bunch of half-naked men wrestle around in a cage rather than hang out with us doesn’t mean you’re not a good partner.”
“It might mean there’s something wrong with her libido. Can he get us tickets? Because I might ditch my own party for naked wrestling.” Rae winks with her joke and I roll my eyes.
“Rae ...”
“What? Just sayin’.” She holds up her hands and widens her eyes.
Jared scoots closer to both me and the heater. His brows lift and his lips pinch with a frown. “I get it. But don’t you think your reaction has more to do with the man whose name can never be said again?”
“Who?” Rae glances between us.
“Jared!” I scold because he swore to never tell.
He shrugs. “What? I’m just saying, if it weren’t for that fuckhead, your head wouldn’t be so fucked.”
Rae stares at Jared before giving me the side eye. “I’m confused. Who’s he talking about?”
Jared lifts his brows and though I’d love to smack that expression right off his face, it’s been enough years that I can talk about this without having a complete and total meltdown.I think. Taking a long sip of water and wishing it were something stronger, I turn to Rae. “It was freshman year. He was my first real boyfriend. Jared and I made a pact never to speak his name aloud again. Not just because he was a total tool—because he was—but because he changed me, in a forever kind of way, and I still hate him for it.”
“What did he do?” Rae asks.
Her question lifts my gaze and I glance at Jared, unsure of how far I should revisit my past. He gives an encouraging nod and squeezes my hand. I take a cleansing breath and continue. “He started with little comments. ‘That’s nice but why don’t you wear this?’ Not so alarming, at first. But then it moved on to, ‘Why are you wearing something so sexy? You want guys to think you’re a slut? Are you fucking someone else?’”
“He never liked me, so that was his first strike.” Jared’s jaw works back and forth and I know he’s remembering, too.
“He didn’t want me to spend time with Jared. He got jealous so easily, plus Jared encouraged me to be independent.Hewas threatened by that.”
“So, what happened? You broke it off?”
“Every time I was going to, he’d change, you know? He’d be super sweet or romantic. Surprise weekend away from the city. Night out just the two of us. New clothes for me to wear. A pair of expensive earrings. At the time I didn’t see what he was doing.”This is it. The first time in years I’ve allowed myself to recount these things.The old wounds sting, but for once they don’t bleed. “On our two-month anniversary, he hit me.”
“Oh, Mia ...” Rae’s eyes fill with tears.
Jared waves his hand. “Her makeup skills are crap now, but can you imagine back then? The black eye didn’t get by me.”
“You ended it.” Rae says, almost begging.
Shame. A little embarrassment too, sneaks under my well-built wall that guards what’s left of my heart. I shake my head. “No, I didn’t. He was so sorry and he promised not to do it again. He promised so many things.”
Rae turns to her brother. “Jared, how could you let her?”
His gaze burns into mine but neither of us backs away. “I had no choice. I told her she was an idiot for staying with him. I pointed out every little thing he did to control her. But she said he loved her.”
“I was young. I was stupid. I was so easily manipulated,” I plead.
He holds my hand and smiles, though it doesn’t reach his eyes. “Hey, it was a mistake. We all have those.”
“I still hate how weak I was. I hate my former self.” I pull my hands back into my lap. Heaviness, thick and weighted, settles between us.
Rae’s voice cuts the tension. “So, when did it ... How long ’til you—?”
“Another month,” I cut her off. “It was right before finals. Jared and I were up late studying for that stupid bio exam. Do you remember how horrible that class was?”
Jared laughs and I know it’s only to make me feel better. He’s always been such a good friend. Always. “Oh, God! Yes, that teacher was the worst.”
I could skim over this part, but now that I’m unleashing the ghosts from my past I can’t seem to stop. “He kept trying to get hold of me. I guess he tried all my usual spots. My dorm room. The library. The MU.” My eyes burn and then fill with tears. I don’t want to cry. I haven’t thought about this night in years, and saying the words aloud somehow splits open the past. But I’m done crying over what he did to me, it’s the damage he caused around me that hurts anew.
I’m so thankful when Jared picks up where I can’t. “When he couldn’t find her he came to my dorm. Only we’d been at it for hours by then, studying for this stupid final, and both of us had fallen asleep on my bed. You can imagine how well that went, him walking in with Mia curled up next to me.” Jared rolls his eyes.
