Page 115 of My Undead Heart

The way she’s looking at me, as if it’s really that easy, has me questioning her even more. “Have you? Have you really? Because I can’t do this again. My heart can’t take the fight. It wants you. Only you. If yours isn’t up for the ride, then it’s better to walk away now. While we still can.”

“Trust me.” She takes two steps closer, invading my personal space. She has to crane her neck to meet my gaze, but she does so anyway. Winding her fingers through mine, she squeezes my hands. “You asked me to trust you, remember? Now I’m doing the same. I’m sorry, Matt. I made the wrong choice. I let my past cloud my future with you and I let my pride get involved instead of listening to my heart. And I didn’t even know how that felt until you. Until you proved my capacity to feel deeply is in perfect working order. That I don’t have to change for anyone. But I made a big mistake.”

I wait patiently as she gathers her thoughts. Her lips mash together and as they part I wish I could claim them for a kiss. I miss her so damn much, but I need to know she’s certain, that she’s really choosing us before I make myself vulnerable again.

Her jaw clenches and her eyes shine as though she’s about to cry. “In college I was in an abusive and manipulative relationship.”

It’s not at all what I expect her to say and the reality staggers. That someone hurt her materializes the need to both protect her and beat the shit out of that asshole. That she’s been hurt awakens a whole new level of understanding. I thought she ran because she couldn’t handle me at my worst. But given this new insight, I hate that my rash behavior triggered her painful past.

“Oh, Mia.” I can’t handle the space between us anymore. Pulling her into my arms, I lay a kiss on the top of her head. “I’m so sorry that happened to you.” We stay together like this for a long moment, her arms at my waist and mine circling her shoulders.

She pulls back out of my reach and I let her. “Before you, I thought compromising equaled suffocation. That doing the things you love would take away from the things I love. Take away who I am. But that’s not true at all. You never asked me to change for you. You loved me for who I am.”

I nod because I never stopped. “I do, Mia.”

“I got scared, Matt, and I pushed you away. That’s what I do, but only because if I do the leaving then I can’t get hurt. I can protect my heart.”

My body sinks with the realization that I’ve hurt her, too. “I never meant to hurt you, Mia.”

Her smile is weak. “I get it, Matt. I really do. That’s why I came. Why I’m here. I know everything. About your past. With your dad and your mom too.”

I shake my head. Thinking about my fucked up childhood includes everything I try to leave behind. “I don’t want you to feel sorry for me. Is that why you’re h—”

“No. I came because I needed to tell you this in person. Tonight.” This time as she comes close it’s with no hesitation or fear. Her fingers slide up the front of my shirt and around the back of my neck. “I will fight for you, Matt Haywood. I will fight for us. I love you.”

“Mia.” Her name leaves my mouth, the word full of so much doubt. So much fear.She says I love you, but is it too much to hope?I have everything I’ve ever wanted, but to have Mia in my life too? It doesn’t seem possible.

She reaches up on her toes and kisses me hard. Her mouth works against mine until I join in and kiss her back. I’m like a junkie who hasn’t had his fix, because that one kiss eradicates the two months I’ve worked to forget her and heal my heart. She pulls away, her breathing heavy like mine.

“I know it’s hard work Matt, and I’m not easy to love, but I want to give us a try. Not a bet. Not a test. I want to make this work. I’m ready to fight ... if you’ll show me how.” She whispers the last words and peppers kisses along the side of my neck.

My body’s vote is all for Mia, and my hands find their way to her hips. “I am a pretty damn good teacher.” I kiss her once, twice.

“The best,” she murmurs against my lips with a smile.

“Honestly, Mia, I have no clue what I’m doing. But I trust you. I want a life with you. I’m all in.”

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