Page 25 of Their Stolen Kisses
That was easier saidthan done. By the time I managed to convince myself to talk to Diana, I went by her office, only to find that she’d already left for the day.That’s okay,I consoled myself, staring at the empty chair where Diana usually sat.There’s always tomorrow…
Except, the next day I didn’t manage to make myself visit her office before lunch. I had to give myself yet another pep talk, re-convince myself this was the right call, and remind myself of everything Chloe had said before I could summon the courage to talk to her. Even then, I stood outside her office for a good five minutes.
I would have stood there longer, maybe even all day, but I heard the rustling of clothes and the creaking of a chair inside. The sounds finally jostled me into action. What if she came to the door and I was just standing here? Any impression at all was better than that.
I knocked lightly on the half-open door and entered. “Hi, Diana.”
“Oh. Good afternoon,” she said very formally, hardly glancing away from her computer.
Remember what Chloe said. Neither of us has said anything yet.“I brought your payment. Sorry I didn’t get it to you yesterday. I got stuck in the office and Chloe was…” No. That was a lie. Chloe wasn’t busy after lunch at all, and I wasn’t stuck in the office - except out of nervousness, maybe. “I’m sorry, that’s not really true. Chloe said I should bring you this myself.”
Diana eyed the envelope extended in my hand for a moment, then took it with a question. “Why would she say that?”
“Because I really want to talk to you, and I haven’t had a chance.” I refrained from pointing fingers or assigning any blame. That wasn’t what this visit was about. Diana said nothing, only sat at her desk looking unreadable, so I continued. “Will you meet me for lunch on Saturday? Please? I feel something for you, Diana, and I want to talk about it. And I have a surprise. A good one,” I promised when her face changed from surprise at my admission moving her lips into a straight line - a tiny bit suspicious.
“I’ve had a few too many surprises lately.” Caution, but not denial.
“This one will be good. I promise. Please say you’ll have lunch on Saturday? If - if you don’t feel anything for me, then just say no. But… I’d love to talk with you. If you’ll let me.”
Diana regarded me for a long moment. Emotions tugged at her face, but they flew by too quickly for me to identify them. “Okay,” she said, at last, settling on hopeful. “Lunch it is. Where should I meet you?”
We hashed out the details, and I put the date, time, and location into my phone quickly before relief threatened to drive everything after her agreement out of my head.
I just needed to talk. I had been needing to talk for so long, and I couldn’t do that with anyone in my life. But to sit down with Diana, to know what I knew about her and do what I’d done with her… I could talk to her. I would say everything I needed and wanted to say and just hope for the best. Hope that she would talk to me in return.
* * *
Finally,it was time to find out. I sat at the table of the Italian restaurant, hands firmly clasped together underneath to keep them from shaking or fidgeting. After a few minutes, that seemed more like an eternity, I watched as the boisterous Chicago winds blew Diana through the door toward our table.
“Hi.” Oh God, we both said it at the same time. “Hi,” I said again, laughing like it was funny - I definitely was nervous. “Thanks for coming.”
“I-I wanted to.” Of all the things she could have said, that was probably the most encouraging and heartwarming.
The waitress swept back and forth between our table and the kitchen a few times to bring us menus, then drinks, then food, so until we had our plates before us, we only talked about inconsequential things at work or what was going on in Chicago. Then, finally, we were alone, no waitress nearby and no other people within earshot if we didn’t talk too loudly.
“Diana,” I began, and then realized I didn’t even know where to begin. “Maybe - maybe I’ll just start with the surprise. I decided to pay off the mortgage.”
“The mortgage? For the Pinnacle building?” I counted down the seconds until her eyes widened with disbelief. “For my house? Cameron, you can’t. That’s not - you just can’t. Why would you even want to?”
“Because I want to help you, Diana.” My entire heart poured into my words. “I want to be with you. I wanted to tell you for so long, but I kept-” Lingering shame clutched at my throat. “I couldn’t, because I was afraid. Noah and I… I was afraid to let someone new in his life. In my life. And I… I did a lot of things I regret after the divorce. I felt lonely and betrayed, and I turned to… well, paying.”
Diana’s fork clinked against her bowl of pasta, forgotten. She licked her lips and looked away. She understood what I meant: paying for sex.
She couldn’t understand the games I’d become used to, not yet. Maybe I wasn’t ready to talk about those right now, either. I couldn’t bear to watch the expression on her face if I tried.
Then she turned back to face me. “I was afraid too,” she said softly, hesitating. “Afraid, I mean. I, uh… haven’t had the best experiences with men. My first boyfriend - my only boyfriend - took advantage of me, and my father left when I was young.” She paused, a spark of anger flashed in her eyes at the memory. “He always told me I was - I was too heavy to be with someone. No one would ever want me.”
Wherever, whoever this father was who had hurt Diana, I suddenly wished I knew so I could kick his ass. “Well, he’s wrong,” I said adamantly, leaning forward, looking Diana straight in the eye, and putting my hand over hers on the table. “Because I want you.”
Tears clung to the edges of her eyelashes, but her eyes sparkled. “Really? Because - because I haven’t been with someone in a long time. I honestly don’t know what I’m doing... It’s embarrassing.”
“Sure you do. I meant it when I said you were confident. It takes confidence to try something new or be with someone new.” My heart dropped when she laughed.
She must have seen my crestfallen expression because she flipped her hand over with mine still on top and gave it a squeeze. “Sorry. You remind me of my mom… She just told me the other day that sometimes we need someone else to help us recover from the past - or something like that.”
“Your mother sounds very wise. I hope I can meet her sometime… after I pay the mortgage?”
Diana rolled her eyes, regaining some of that confidence that I saw in her and would help her see in herself as well. “I-I suppose. But only after I make one more payment on it…. And thank you.” Her words formed a very thin mask over deep relief.
“And after I take you out tonight to see a Bulls - that’s basketball - game with Noah and me?”
“I don’t really know anything about basketball…”
My heart nearly stopped at what she said.
“But I’d love to go with you and Noah. I bet he can tell me all about it.”
