Page 16 of For the Love of City
If they were referring to me by my childhood nickname, they might not be too mad, but I knew that would change at any second.
“That’s why he out there pissed now, because she didn’t.” I sighed at mama doing her absolute best to make a bad situation worse. Instead of being sorry she just glared at me and the look on her face was full of challenge. Her arms crossed, head snaked full of anger and I had to remember that I’d dragged the both of them into this shit with me and Link. “Right or wrong?”
“You right, mama. And no, there was nothing but he had smoked in the car, which gave them a reason to search it. They found something small that was just a ticket and were trying to give me a hard time. He didn’t tell them it was his so I went in for it since I was the owner of the car.”
Man chuckled and gave a quick nod as his eyes darted back toward the door. For a second I thought he was going to walk out of it and handle Link but he stayed put. Mama must’ve had the same thought because I watched her body tense like she was poised to go after him.
“Oh, he feeling real brave now, huh? Too many times you forced me to give his whack ass a pass. Put that nigga on and somehow you one of my best workers even though you ain’t supposed to touch shit. But now he feels the need to let your name be put in a system that we fought too hard to keep it out of? His chances are over, Prissy. I hope you know that. Running ‘round like he a trill ass nigga but he ain’t nothing but a ho.”
I could only nod because even if I didn’t want to be done with him as much as I did, my family would never respect him again after what he pulled. Link didn’t know it, but today was going to be the last time his ass could even turn down this street. Thesame niggas he was constantly trying to impress were going to be more than happy to listen to Man and keep their distance from him. Unlike Link, they actually put in work and making sure Link didn’t fuck up their spot with my brother far surpassed any tenuous association they had. Link didn’t have friends, he had people he thought were cool so he tried to fit in. He’d gone from the shy kid to this man who didn’t really fit into this world he was trying to run in. Nothing I did would change his mind and now he’d dug his own grave.
“That’s why he’s mad now. Lashing out and shit and trying to toss that bitch built like a rectangle in her face. He wants her to be bothered. He thinks this is how he can control her. But I taught you better than that didn’t I, Prissy?” My mama was trying to hype me up but I really just needed a minute to think about everything that was happening all at once.
“You did.”
She rolled her eyes before putting her blunt on the ashtray on the counter. “And don’t say it with such reluctance. I gave you the game so you could never get gamed. You don’t see me running around like a chicken with no head when a nigga fuck up. I understand your heart is hurt, but right now? You need to remember who the hell you are and who the hell he isn’t.”
I rolled my shoulders back ready to go through these motions and hopefully go to my room and lay down. “I’m your daughter—”
Her finger went up to stop me and she looked at me with a face filled with annoyance. “Hell nah. That ain’t got nothing to do with me. Remember who you are outside of me. I can only teach you what it is I want you to know and how you should act. Everything else is on you. I taught you to stand on your own two feet and to never let a nigga knock you off your square. So why you’re doing it now is beyond me. But one thing I know? You mess up your life behind that boy, I can’t save you. Because thefirst time you do it, will show him just how easy it is to play you. And to pit the two of y’all against each other. You see how stupid she is behind him? Only go over there for the kid, right? And takes you along to throw you in her face. And your simple ass lets him. Talking about y’all family. Nah, that’s a boy trying to fill the shoes of a man. Your daddy didn’t play when it came to his family. He might have had some simple bitches after him, but we were always his priority.”
“Mama you was slanging as much as daddy.”
I had to smile because even when he was angry Man was trying to break the tension by feeding into mama’s ego so she would ease off me.
My mama took the bait and smiled as she flipped the long ponytail I’d given her over her shoulder. “I sure the fuck was. And you grateful for that shit now, ain’t you? Look at you positioned to be a king instead of being a forever corner boy. You got your toes wet for a minute and now you gettin’ out of that shit to do what it is you want to do. What you’re good at. We ain’t the richest muthafuckas but we ain’t had to beg a soul to put bread on this table. So say what you want about me or your daddy, but we never let our kids go without. One thing you’ll never be able to say is that we moved stupid. Just because some jealous muthafucka took your daddy away from us doesn’t mean he wasn’t the smartest man in the room. It doesn’t mean he wasn’t making plans to be more than what he was. A man doesn’t define you. Your occupation doesn’t define you. Your character does. You want to be a stylist but you been letting that boy hold you back. You been had the money for everything yet you wasting time not building your dreams because of him. You take my advice?”
“I never told him about the money I had put back.”
My father had accounts in our names where he stashed money. One was an education account and I was able to usemine for school and living expenses. I still had money left over even after everything. Link and I had talked about getting a place together so I never touched the money to head to Dallas for my workshop. I kept waiting on him to put in the work he swore he was capable of and actually show me something. All he kept showing me was that he wasn’t going to be the person I needed. It took me a minute to accept that.
Mama’s knowing chuckle brought my attention back to her and I cringed at the smirk on her face.
“And you wonder why. Something inside told you that no matter how much your stubborn ass wanted to ignore my warning, you couldn’t. And it was more than justmy mama told me not to. I told your hardheaded ass not to deal with him at all. And now you’re in the exact situation I tried to keep you out of.”
“I was wondering when theI told you so’swere going to come.”
“Girl, it would’ve come a lot sooner but your brother came in here and I had to defend your simple ass for a minute. I’m back on track now. But listen to me clearly. That boy don’t mean you a lick of good. And you wanna know how I know?”
“How?”
Her face softened causing me to let down the defensive guard I’d had up for hours. “Because he don’t mean none for himself. He got a kid. And he still can’t grow up to ensure that the mother of his child is mentally okay. If a man will play games with the person who takes care of his seed every night and have her emotionally unstable, what does that say about him? Ain’t no hope for a boy like that. He ain’t gone be more than what he is right now. He’s a corner boy getting caught up every three seconds. And soon people gone view his ass as a liability and stop keeping him around. Then it’ll all fall on you to make sure he’s good because Link has no drive in him to be anything more than what he is right now. He in and out of shit as it is and youstay running down there bailing his stupid ass out. How many IOUs has he racked up and how much has he actually paid you back?”
I couldn’t even look at her because she knew what the deal was. “Ma—”
“I might not speak on everything Porsha but I see more than enough. Don’t let that man drag you down, doll. You are twenty years old and I had no issue with you not going to college. But you put off time going to hair school. For him. And then when you did he was stressing you out. And you’re hustling to ensure y’all are straight while he’s playing around. You should’ve had your own shop by now, baby. But as usual, he was holding you back. I need you to understand I don’t say this shit to make you feel bad but to put you up on game. Something I shouldn’t have to do since I been talking to you about fuck niggas and fuck nigga behavior since you were a little girl. But you’re the baby of the family and your little spoiled ass is so used to getting what you want, that’s why you act this way. But if you had to learn this lesson firsthand for it to stick. I pray it’s stuck in your memory forever so you never forget this message. A nigga is only gone do what you let him. He wanna run around and be stupid? Let him do it on his own. The last thing you wanna be is the girl whocould’ve, messing around with a man that’s not going anywhere. I understand your want to elevate your man, but if he don’t want to ride with you, hop on the plane and fly out on his ass. What he gone do? Be mad? You see what his anger gets: a fucking tantrum. Playin’ little boy games trying to impress people who don’t put money in his pocket or food in his kid’s tummy. You should be tired of this shit by now.”
I nodded ‘cause even as she spoke I could feel the weight on me continue to ease as my resolve strengthen. “I am.”
“Damn, I feel like I got told off and it ain’t even about me.” Man was rubbing the back of his neck and looking at me with true pity in his eyes.
“It ain’t all that bad but she ain’t all wrong either.” I had to know that my mama was only looking out for my best interest and she would never steer me wrong.
“Now, carry yo ass in that room and bathe. You got that jailhouse stench on you. Get it off so you can get your mind right. I left something on the bed for you, too. So handle that and we’ll talk later.” She gave me a look that meant she wasn’t taking no for an answer and I didn’t bother to argue with her.
I stood up not saying anything else. I wasn’t mad, just deep in thought and I didn’t want to hug her since she’d just said I had jailhouse stink on me. Truth be told, I couldn’t wait to get my ass in the shower and bathe.
I entered my room and walked past all the accolades I’d won for hair and some of the busts I had in my room that I’d been practicing on. What I thought was going to be a gift in the paper bag turned out to be a pregnancy test. I thought I’d done a good job of hiding this shit, but clearly I hadn’t. I already knew I was pregnant but I hadn’t even had the chance to tell Link because he got us caught up in this situation. Dinner tonight was supposed to be me surprising him but I was the one who got the surprises. I already knew this baby wouldn’t make it to earth side. Being attached to him for the rest of my life wasn’t something that I was going to do. No matter what I thought we had, our foundation was too unpredictable and the idea of having a baby opened my eyes up to that fact. The entire dinner was supposed to be about us discussing options and seeing if he would travel with me to Dallas and start over. The clientele in Houston was good, but that extensions program was where my future was. I knew it like my daddy was tapping me on my shoulder shining a light on it. I wanted to own the best so I had to learn from thebest. With him behaving the way he had today, my decision on everything was already made. I shoved the test back in the paper bag and put it in my beside drawer. A call to my doctor was going to be put in first thing tomorrow so this procedure could be scheduled. Attachments to him weren’t an option and for once I had to put myself first. I was heading to North Texas and there was no room for the dead weight from my past.
