Page 55 of Harbor Lights
“Probably.” Shiv laughed. “Kasia and Tierney insist on feeding me, and now they’re holding my best jeans hostage.”
“Well, be sure to look me up.” Colette turned. “Bye, Doc.” She left by the kitchen door.
“Let’s get you to the ferry nice and early.” Shiv turned her smile on her, and Con’s legs trembled. “It would be terrible if you were stranded and had to stay the night in my shitty little cabin.”
Con couldn’t think of anything she wanted more, but she laughed along and followed Shiv out into the near dusk. The days were short now it was mid-December. Nearly Christmas time. When she would head to England to spend the holidays with the family that wasn’t hers.
EIGHTEEN
“I didn’t realizeyou were going away for the holidays.” Shiv didn’t try to hide her disappointment, even though it felt a little childish. Con had turned up at her door just as she was about to go onto a call with her associates in the US. Her phone had been buzzing silently while they talked, but now it turned out Con had just come to tell her she had other priorities.
Con rested a hand on her arm. “Hey, I told you I spend every Christmas with Majella and her family.”
“I thought you might have changed your plans this year, because of… ”Because of what? Me? Don’t be so dumb. “All the work we need to do on the building.”
That was lame. The days were so short and the weather so bad, they’d hardly done a thing since her granddad had sent the legal papers that signed over the shed and the small piece of land it stood on.
“Hey, I’ll be back before the new year. It’s only five days.”
The grip on her arm tightened and she pulled back. “Okay, do what you have to do.”
Con shrugged. “You’re right. I don’t know why I’m going. But it’s too late to pull out now. They sent me a photo of the goose.”
“What? Isn’t it a little soon?”
Con laughed a loud, hearty laugh. “Oh, it’s still alive. Running around in a field with some other geese. But they’ve chosen it, and we’re going to collect it after they pick me up from the airport.”
“Sounds delightful.” Shiv didn’t hide the sarcasm. She couldn’t see the appeal of selecting a healthy animal to be slaughtered for some holiday ritual.
“It’s what they do every year. There are a lot of holiday traditions in that family. I know them all by now.” Her voice trailed off and Shiv wondered if she really wanted to go.
“Do you enjoy it when you’re there?”
They were sitting in Shiv’s kitchen, which was more habitable now she’d fixed the roof properly, cleaned and repainted the cupboards and added some basic appliances. She’d thought about getting a wrap for the orange worktop, but it went well with the gray color scheme, and she liked the retro look.
Con was still silent, looking into her mug as though searching for answers. She looked up, her brows gathered over her green-blue eyes. “It’s all perfectly pleasant. They have a lovely house, they’re very generous, and I have nothing to complain about.”
“But?” Shiv got the feeling Con wanted to talk, but needed a prod.
“It’s fucking hard. It’s always been hard, but to begin with, I thought it was better than being alone, even though it was agony to watch them making their life together.”
She placed her mug on the table and dropped her head into her hands. “But now I’m stuck in this habit of being the single friend, sitting watching life go by. And I can’t get out of it because I don’t want to hurt their feelings.”
“When you see them together, do you wish it was you? With Majella.” Shiv surprised herself with the question, but a part of her really needed to know.
Con’s head shot up. “What? No! Of course not.” She sighed and her shoulders drooped again. “I always yearned for what we had before. I wanted to go back to ten years ago. When we were happy, and everything was perfect.”
Shiv wondered how perfect it could have been if Majella had chosen to leave.
“And do you still want that?” Why did she care so much? Was that what she wanted with Con? To play happy families in the big, rambling house?
Con stood suddenly, kicking the chair away, and moved to the window. “I don’t know. It’s all so far in the past now. Why am I still stuck there?”
“You’re not.” Shiv followed her to the window and stood behind, wanting to put her arms around her to comfort her, but not trusting herself to stop there.
“You have a life here. A career. More than that, an important role in the community. You have friends, people who care about you.”
I care about you. I dream about us being together. Not just together as in sex. Although, that would be amazing. But as a real couple. But it’s just a fantasy because people like you don’t get together with people like me.
