Page 80 of Changing Tides
“You can return it when you move back to Dublin.”
She squirmed. She didn’t want to admit she was no further in deciding what she would do next.
Her mum observed her with gathered brows. “How did last night go, by the way? Have you secured a good job?”
“It wasn’t a jobs fair. I was catching up with some old friends.” That was hypocritical, considering how she’d berated Joey for not treating it as a networking opportunity.
“But something must’ve come out of it? Surely there are top restaurants waiting to bite your hand off if you approach them.”
That was true. Marianne had had a couple of subtle, and not so subtle, approaches. But none of it had felt right. Plus, worry about how she’d manage childcare had taken any joy out of it.
“I need to think about Denny. He comes first.”
“He needs a mother with the means of supporting him, first and foremost.” Her mother sat back with her teacup poised. “Unless you’re thinking of becoming a full-time mother and letting your fishing person support you.”
The tinkle of laughter was mocking, and Marianne wanted to get up and walk out. But she didn’t have the energy, and she had to keep everything calm for the party later.
“Joey and I haven’t discussed our future. We live very different lives.”
Her mum put down her teacup. “Lives change all the time. Sometimes for the better, sometimes not.” She stood. “Decide what you want and make it happen. Stop making excuses and get on with it.”
She swooped to the door. “I’ll be ready at one-thirty. You can drive and try out the car for size.”
Marianne watched her go. The smell of the now-cold food made her gag, and she pushed away the plate and rested her head on her arms.
Whatdidshe want? She wanted Denny to have a happy, stable childhood. She wanted to resurrect her career and feel the power and success of being at the top. And she wanted Joey. Oh, how badly she wanted them. To lie in their arms in the hammock and listen to the sea. To watch them showing Denny how to drive the boat, always careful to keep him safe. Without Joey, life just wasn’t as good.
But how could she have all of those things? Denny needed to be near both his parents, the kind of job she wanted didn’t exist on a tiny island, and Joey didn’t belong anywhere else.
Mary began to clear the table, but Marianne didn’t raise her head as her tears soaked the tablecloth. A hand squeezed her shoulder, but then she was left in peace to pull herself together.
The tires crunchedover gravel as Marianne pulled onto the looping drive outside Zeynap’s house. She pulled on the handbrake and sat for a moment, bracing herself.
“Are we staying in the car or going in?”
Why had she insisted on her mum’s presence? A tiny hope she might provide some support in the lion’s den? She hauled herself out of the car and went around to help her mum out of the passenger seat. The Mercedes had been a lovely ride. Far too large and powerful for her mum, but a reminder to Marianne how long it has been since she’d driven anything flashy. Back when she’d lived in the capital, she’d owned a series of sporty little cars that could nip round the city streets or take her out quickly into the Wicklow hills when she needed a break. If she moved back now, what kind of car would she choose?
The front door opened. Taz smiled, looking as awkward as the last time she’d seen him. She pecked him on the cheek and led her mum into the lounge where Amira and her mother were sipping sherry. Denny jumped up from the corner with a shriek and barreled across the room. “Mama!”
When Marianne pulled him into her arms, everything felt right again. Well, nearly everything.
“Happy birthday, sweetpea. How’s it feel to be two?” She lifted her face from his curls to look at Amira. “How was he?”
“Not great. He wouldn’t go down, and then he woke me at four. I’m not sure I have the energy for the party.” Amira hadn’t got up from her chair. “It’s a good thing Maddy’s visiting.”
Marianne turned to see a young blond woman sitting in the corner where Denny had been. She was surrounded bychildren’s books. She jumped up. “Hi, I’m Madison.” She shook Marianne’s hand. “Your little boy is wonderful.”
Marianne looked between Madison and Amira, but Amira didn’t offer any explanation. She led her mum across the room and sat her opposite Amira’s mother. “Zeynap, you remember my mum, Kathleen?”
The two older women nodded curtly to each other.
“Would you like a drink?” Zeynap looked over her shoulder. “Where did Taz get to?”
“I’ll get it.” Madison skipped toward the drinks tray as though she’d lived there for years. Marianne threw Amira another look, which she again ignored.
“Sherry, or something stronger?” Madison’s American accent was obvious.
“I would prefer tea, please.” Mari’s mum’s voice was taut with disapproval.
