Page 25 of Finding Noah
Noah halted. “Last week you said I wasn’t ready for a relationship and I shouldn’t go out with the pet store manager.”
Shit.“That was different.”
“How?” He held my gaze. “Because I’m trying to figure out, aside from the fact you’ve met Soren, and not Sam, why things have changed in the past week.”
Shit.“Well, I have met Soren. He seems nice.”And it’ll break my heart, but I want you to be happy.
“Christian?”
“Yes?”
“I’m going to ask you a really important question.”
“Okay.”
“Are you suggesting I ask Soren out because he’s white?”
My eyes widened. “No. Not at all. I’m suggesting you ask him out because he seems like a nice guy.” I floundered. “You always seem to pick jerks.” I wanted to point out there were plenty of nice Black men…but that he never seemed to pick them. Instead, I opened my big mouth and said, “Can you just get over your distrust of white guys?”
“What the fuck are you talking about? I don't have a distrust of white guys.” His brow furrowed, and he appeared truly confused.
“Yes, you do. You only ever date Black guys. Why is that?”Oh God, do you really want to step into this? This is such a fraught subject.
Yeah, but if he keeps on this trajectory, I’ll never stand a chance.
Do you really have one anyway? You’re being selfish.
“Because I'm only attracted to Black guys.” Even as he said the words, his brow furrow deepened.
“No, you're not—because you point out cute white guys all the time, but you only ever date Black guys. And creeps at that. There are plenty of nice white and Black guys, but you never seem to pick them.”In for a penny…
“That doesn't mean anything. I don’t understand where you’re going with this.”
“You have a hang-up from all those losers your mum dated.” Along with Noah, I’d watched his mother date her way through a series of not-so-great men. I adored Mrs. Gainey, but she didn’t appear to believe she deserved a good guy either. I worried Noah was following in her footsteps. But how was I possibly going to convince anyone they deserved better when I couldn’t even stand up for myself?
“No, I don't.” He gestured. “Jesus, Christian, where is this coming from?”
Frustration welled within me, and I spat out, “You don't trust white guys.”
He rolled his eyes. “Of course I do. I trust you. You’ve been my best friend since forever. Whatever you’re thinking, it’s just wrong.”
“No, you don't trust me.”
“Yes, I do.” Exasperation was clear in his tone.
“No, you don't. Because if you trusted me, you would've believed me the first time I told you Leroy was cheating.”Careful where you go with this.
Yeah, but I’m tired of playing it safe.
“You never told me that.”
“Yes, I did! You dismissed it—you said,they're really good friends.” I let out a long sigh. “And then when I told you again, you dismissed me, saying you trusted him. In the end I had to send you—”Shit. Shit. Shit.
Noah’s eyes widened.
The silence stretched between the two of us.
“What the actual fuck, Christian.” His voice was very quiet.
