Page 63 of Finding Noah
Preferably with Christian in my arms.
Christian’s never really had anything of his own in his life—he’s always been living for other’s expectations. Whether marrying Laura, working for the family business, or just continuing to live at home—those were all things he did for other people. Hell, moving to Foggy Basin was something he did for me.
So what did Christian really want in life? Was he really happy to settle with me and my growing menagerie? Could he spend the rest of his life working at a grocery store and be happy? Would it all be enough, or would he one day walk out the door like myfather had?
Ouch. Christian is nothing like your father. If he got a woman pregnant, he would never abandon her. Just like he’s never going to abandon you…unless you send him away.
Or unless he met someone else.
That thought turned my stomach into knots. I didn’t want him to find anyone else. I wanted what we had to be everything he’d ever wanted. Everything that would bring him joy.
All I ever wanted was for someone to love me—and now I had that. Someone who would love me for me. Who would accept my collection of stray pets and help rather than be disdainful.
Really, at the end of the day, I just wanted someone who would be here for me. Someone who wasn’t going to quit, or cheat, or do a runner on me after just a few months.
Certainly, I hadn’t picked a single partner who fit that description. And my mother hadn’t chosen a single man to be my stepfather who was a tenth of the man Christian was. At some point, I’d probably have to examine why Mom and I continued to make such bad choices. Because plenty of good men were out there—of all races—yet she and I had both fallen into a pattern of picking assholes who treated us badly and then, as often as not, walked out the door on us.
She deserved better.
I deserved better.
Doing something about her situation was damn near impossible. She was an adult—living her own life in a destructive way. I doubted very much I could get through to her.
But Christian, in his own way, had finally gotten through to me. That realization might’ve only come after more pain—I’d never forget seeing those pictures of Leroy—but from that bitterness had risen something beautiful. Something incredibly special. My best friend had found the courage to tell me how he felt. He’d laid his heart on the line.
I hadn’t rejected him—but I hadn’t embraced him either. How many times had I saidwe’re not dating, but… And then proceeded to do something that people who were dating might do? I wouldn’t blame Christian if he were confused.
You love him. You’ve always loved him—just in a different way. But now? The physical intimacy is nice, but you want more. You need more. You deserve more. So hurry the fuck along and tell him how you really feel.
The miles passed, and I fought the urge to put my foot to the floor. I didn’t want one of Sheriff West’s deputies pulling me over. Aside from the ticket I’d have to pay, I would also be later getting home to see Christian. I doubted he’d found someone else today, but I needed him to knowright fucking nowhow I really felt about him.
I pulled up to the gate, hopped out and opened it, then drove to the house. I jogged back to lock the gate and, by the time I got back to the car, Stormy and the puppies were doing their best to stick their noses in the crate. “Be patient.” I met Christian’s gaze. “I love you.”
“I know. I love you too. I was going to bake some chicken—very healthy—but I opted for tacos instead.”
“My favorite.”
“I know.” He gave me that sly smile.
I pulled him into my arms and kissed him soundly.
He molded himself against me.
We eagerly fought for dominance with the kiss. In the end, though, he let me win.
Finally, I pulled back. I met those beautiful green eyes and stared into them. “I love you. I mean, I really love you. I didn’t know what love was, but you’ve shown me every day for the last twenty years. I know I’m a little late to the party—you figured out the romantic love thing about, what…?”
“Thirteen years ago. Give or take.”
I blinked. “You’re a patient man, Christian Carter.”
“You’re worth the wait, Noah Gainey.” He placed a quick chaste kiss to my lips. “The cat room is ready, so how about you introduce me to the newest members of the family and, after we get them settled, we eat tacos? Then I want to take you and the dogs out for a treat.”
I cocked my eyebrow. “A treat?”
“You’ll have to wait and see.”
Since I trusted him, I snagged his hand and brought it to my lips so I could kiss it. “Yes. Whatever you want.”
