Page 54 of Untethered Heart
She fiddles with the end of one braid, avoiding my eyes. “So, I may have looked you up.”
“Oh?”
She looks up at me, chewing her lip as if she’s hesitant to confess what’s coming. “I was curious about the thing you told me. With the girl who was using you.”
“You can ask me anything you want.”
She shakes her head, “No. I’m just sorry you went through that. I can understand why you didn’t want anyone to know about us.”
I lean back in my chair, surprised by her words. “Really?”
“I know what it’s like to question your judgement when the past has done a really good job at convincing you not to trust easily.”
Now I’m desperate to know more.
“And I just want you to know,” Lex continues, “that not once has your job or your name been the reason why I couldn’t stay away from you. Before I even knew who you were, the reason I couldn’t stop thinking about you was entirely because of the way you made me feel.”
“I know exactly what you mean. I don’t know what to do about the fact that I can’t stop thinking about you. Can’t stop wanting more. But every time I push forward, I’m reminded of what’s at stake. I don’t have it in me to be selfish when it comes to you, no matter how desperately I want to be.”
She practically melts against the benchtop. “I don’t want to be selfish either. I keep stewing over how it might affect my brother, but you—”
My heart is pounding as she wrestles with herwords. “Yes?”
With glassy grey eyes, she stares straight into my soul. “Being around you feels like something I can’t fight. I don’t think I have the will to fight it.”
My mind rolls over all the ways I can keep Lex in my life without jeopardising our business and without sending myself insane by denying the need I have for her. “How about we try something different?”
“What did you have in mind?”
“We can be friends.”Blegh. The words sour in my mouth, but it feels like a good way to get closer and test the waters without jumping in too quickly and sinking. I’ve never been friends with someone I’ve slept with, so this might be a challenge.
“Can we agree that ourfriendshipwon’t affect my brother’s business?”
“You have my word.” I’m willing to give her anything she asks for because I know this feeling isn’t something I should ignore. It’s life-altering. I feel like I’ve walked around all my life void of this feeling, just waiting for Lex to consume the space. It’s a surety deep in my gut. I’m not wrong. I know it.
“Okay,” she says. “So, tell me, friend, why were you at my house last week?”
I nod a few times, psyching myself up, then drain the rest of my whiskey before pinning her with my gaze.
“My brother texted me that you were in his bar, really drunk. I was, one, concerned I’d led you to drink and two, jealous as fuck that someone else may have been hitting on you.”
“It wasn’t necessarily you.” She tips her head back and groans. “It was the whole situation, and who you turned out to be. I slept with someone and then found out they’re literally the key to my brother’s dreams. A billionaire and the city’s favourite playboy, according to endless news articles. I was scared that I’d mess things up for my brother, and confused that I could even get your attention let alone keep it, and then comparisonitis hit like a bitch.”
Huh.Most women from my past know exactly who they’re getting into bed with when it comes to me. But that’s one of the things I like most about Lex: she didn’t know me. I can understand how the working relationship is throwing her off course. It’s been doing the same to me, but the comparison? In my mind, there is no comparison.
Lex grabs a rag from the bench and starts wiping at nothing in particular, avoiding my eyes.
“I didn’t know who you were when we first met. When Claire filled in the blanks, I went down a stupid rabbit hole of internet stalking and then at the contract signing, you were there with Isabelle, and then you said no one could know about us. I get all that, but I can’t change the fact that it hurt. It felt like I was just another one of those women.”
I reach over the bar and stop her hand from the obsessive scrubbing.
“I didn’t expect to see you again after that first night. I didn’t intentionally lie about my identity. And there is certainly nothing going on between me and Izzy, nor has there ever been. She’s a co-worker and a very dear friend. In fact”—I chuckle—“she knew all about you.”
“She did?”
“I couldn’t get you out of my head. You could never be just another woman. The day after the signing, I was planning to get in contact with you. Send flowers to your house with my number. I can promise you, Siren, you are the only woman I have done that for.”
She takes in my words. I can see the way she throws them around in her mind, until she looks up, and those grey eyes ensnare me.
